The scripture in Proverbs 13:12 encapsulates the essence of the pain and longing experienced by many families: “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire comes, it is a tree of life.”
Subsequent verses detail the outcomes of following God’s word versus ignoring it. But, there’s one that particularly stands out: “Poverty and shame will come to him who disdains correction, But he who regards a rebuke will be honored.” Now, this might not seem particularly uplifting when your beloved is in turmoil. However, it offers a perspective on how to navigate through this predicament.
A pattern has emerged in families of addicts: whenever their addicted member slips up, the family swoops in, wiping the slate clean. But does this quick-fix approach really solve the core issue? While it might momentarily appease the protective parental instincts, it doesn’t address the root cause. It’s the addict’s internal struggles that are the true enemy – their choices, behaviors, and lifestyles.
We’re sometimes so blinded by our love that we inadvertently become enablers, amplifying the very problems we wish to eradicate. It’s crucial to understand that there’s a stark difference between supporting our loved ones emotionally and shielding them from the consequences of their actions.
Now, this might sound harsh, but consider this: what if the shame and poverty are the very catalysts required for your loved one to reflect and make a U-turn? Reflect on the story of the prodigal son. Had his father used his wealth to shield him from the misery of the pig pen, would the son have had his transformative epiphany?
The father in the parable waited. He agonizingly waited, enduring sleepless nights, always hoping and praying for his son’s return. And it was the son’s eventual realization of his own degradation that compelled him to return.
Rick Warren’s poignant words: “Until our pain exceeds our fear of change we rarely change” encapsulates the significance of painful experiences. It’s counterintuitive for any parent to watch their child suffer. But sometimes, it’s this very suffering that illuminates the path towards redemption.
It’s an unpredictable journey. Sometimes, you’ll intervene, and sometimes, you’ll hold back. There’s no definitive manual for this; it’s a combination of prayer, wisdom, and discernment. Whether you choose to assist or merely stand at the gate waiting, remember that God is with you, guiding and comforting you through it all.
