Rediscovering Fellowship with God and Others

The Challenges of Unreciprocated Love

This is like an ongoing joke for Dan and LNI. We have a tendency to want to give out a level of friendship to others that is not often reciprocated in the same manner. And it becomes very hard to love people when you're not loved in the same way. It's like a double-edged sword, right? Because I can't have an expectation of others to love me in the same way that I'm loving them. Because my love and my assurance, my stability of who I am often did just well back because it's like, I like to be dirty and like transparent about who I am and what I do.

And some people are just like, yeah, but some people are just like, blessed and highly favored. How do you know God is good? And it's like, I know God is good. But, bro, are you struggling? Or is it just me that's just on this journey in my faith where I understand that God wants to deliver me in this area but I also understand that there's a level of relationship and fellowship that when you come together and you can fast as the Bible tells you. Not only is He faithful and just to forgive us of all of our sins, but it says in that moment that the elders are to come and to pray, right?

Importance of Immediate Fellowship

And so you can talk to somebody like, "Hey, bro, I'm struggling," and they'll just be like, "Hey, you know, that sucks brother, I'm sorry that you're going through that." It's like, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. So like, who is your fellowship with? Because in those moments, and like, we got called out on this the other day, right? It was members like, "Oh, we are praying for you." It's like, rather than saying I'm praying for you, why don't you just pray right there in that moment?

I've seen a meme floating around the internet before that says, "Everybody talks about Jesus' miracles, but nobody talks about the miracle of Jesus having 12 close friends in his 30s." You know? And it's like, whoa, you know, because here I am, right? In my mid-30s and I think about the close friendships that I have. And, you know, I'm fortunate to have a lot of people in my life, right? So there is some of that fellowship, but now there's that deeper level of intimacy that you start to grow with people, right?

The Role of Fellowship in Our Lives

Because I can fellowship with a lot of people, but the intimate relationships, man, that's a little deeper, right? Then just your average, "You're one of the male Christian fellowship." Cool, well, welcome, welcome, welcome back to another podcast episode of rebuilding life after addiction, guys. It's been a long time coming. Justin and I have been extremely busy as it's the beginning of a wonderful season. As we await the return and the arrival of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ in Christmas, right?

For those that love presents and stuff like that, yeah. And so we were just like, man, we gotta get another call and we need to make these things happen. And so here we are today with you joining in on an episode that is going to be exclusively brought to you by Energizer. All right. If we could get a sponsor like Energizer, like, you know, it would be great to just get paid to just sit around and do these interviews and conversations all the time.

Community Building Through Fellowship

So, how's the health, how's the health bill for you, man? Man, it's been good. You know, I was just telling you earlier before we started recording that I'm at the church tonight. I'm at Brookside and we've got one into the hallway. The Teen Challenge program is here and they're on Dona Community Dinner. We did it for the first time last week. We had about 50 people come through for food, but we served hot meals. And then the other end of the hallway, we've got church joint, the food pantry.

And I love seeing it, man, because I think you and I talked a little bit about kind of our topics tonight of like fellowship, you know? And, you know, all the fellows hanging out on the ship together. And, man, just kind of being in this season and seeing people get together and build a relationship and build community. And it's awesome to serve the community, but the team, right? The people that come together to do that. I think a lot of times we take for granted and don't realize how much on the serving is impacting us because we're getting closer to the people that we're serving alongside.

The Greek Concept of Fellowship

And, man, I just, it's awesome, dude. And life, family, kids, you know, all of that. It's just, there's never a dull moment, never a break with four girls in the house. So, we're five included nationally, but yeah, I have two and it's a whirlwind, man. It's a lot, three including Danielle, right? But my son and I were outnumbered and that's okay, we love our girls. But yeah, man, it's, you know, just to kind of dive in a little bit about this fellowship.

I really have been thinking about how fellowship from a biblical perspective—which I'm gonna butcher this word for those that are scholars out there that are listening—the Greek word for fellowship, coinonia. Yeah, I know, I might have said that wrong, but I gave it a shot. So, low and behold, the reason why I wanted to really kind of dive into that is because it's amazing to me how the enemy comes to steal our fellowship or our relationship and how addiction in whatever form or facet it is, right?

The Impact of Addiction on Fellowship

Whether it's drug and alcohol addiction, whether it's phone addiction, whether it's television addiction, whatever it may be, there's something that's always trying to rob you from fellowship with Christ. I think the thing is that the point that I'm getting at here is that what areas of our lives do we have that occupy our time so much that we don't have enough time to spend with the Lord? Yeah, you know, it's interesting because I googled that fanficly Greek word and I always butcher them too, man.

I've been preaching for 17 years and I still mess up several intimate names. Like, when it's, when I'm reading from the Old Testament on Sunday, it's a comedy show, right? Because I'm gonna mess up the names and I always draw attention to the fact I'm about to mess up the names before I mess them up. And so it's fun. But that word, coinonia, man, it means to hold something in common. And you think about that and like, that is the essence of fellowship, right?

The Essence of Biblical Fellowship

As we hold something in common. Now from a biblical perspective, that common thing that we hold is our relationship and our pursuit of God; it's Jesus, right? That is the common thing. It always blew me away in the recovery programs how you could get, you know, 15, 20 people together that outside of the program would never have anything to do with each other. But the relationships that are being built in the middle of the program, because there's something they're all holding in common.

But you talk about the negative of that, right? And how our relationship ends up getting driven by something that we hold in common, right? You and I both disclosed our struggles with identity in the course of our life and searching for that identity. A lot of times it's easy to find friends when we're pursuing drugs because we're holding something in common. Now that thing that we're holding in common is ultimately destroying both of us, but it makes it easy to connect because there's a common bond, right?

Authentic Relationships and Spiritual Growth

And that really is what fellowship is all about. It's people that, man, from different walks of life, different sides in their earth, different everything outside of the church could be different. But we come together in pursuit of a holy God and those relationships, man, they end up being drawn. And then we start to see a biblical picture of unity. And it really is, it's beautiful when it's operating as the spirit intended, you know?

No, man, I totally agree with you on that. And I think the thing is that what I find troubling, you know, and I want to share this quick story, but I was at the gas station just the other day and there was a chick that came up to me and was like, "Hey, look, I love, can you give me some gas?" And I was just, you know, straight up with her. I was like, "Hey, look, I know where you're at, but I'm not gonna give you money to put gas in your car, right? Like, I'll fill up your tank for you."

Taking a Stand for Truth

And her eyes like lit up, "You'll fill up my tank? Like what's going on here? People don't do that." And I said, "Yeah, I don't mind helping you out with some gas money so that you can get to whatever destination that you're going to." Now looking at her from the state that she was in, I knew at that moment that she was on some type of drugs, right? Because I've once been in that similar place plus looking at her pupils, things of that nature, right? Just the way that she carried herself, just very sloppy, if you will.

And so I began to speak truth to her circumstance that was a truth that was quite honestly very offensive. She was actually taking that because I called her out on her addiction because I knew that she was addicted to something. But it was in me calling her out in the addiction problem that she had that she opened up and began to like say, "Wow, like, I didn't even realize how bad it was." Because sometimes when you're in your addiction, man, you don't even think that you look bad to others, you actually think you look good.

Recognizing the Truth in Brokenness

You ever like had those moments where you look at yourself in the mirror and like, you're looking at the bags, you're looking at how, but you think you look really good? Like I thought I looked good in my addiction and I could fool everybody, but I didn't realize how bad my condition was until somebody else brought it to my attention. And I say all that to say this, that the girl broke and I was able to share some gospel truth and who could be able to set her free and kind of lead her to the right path and victory that she's so desperately seeking in life that she cannot find fulfilled within the drugs.

She just began to weep. She took her glasses off and began to weep. And in that moment, I believe that we have fellowship. And what I mean is I took the time to disconnect from the world that I would once—that I was living in—to step into her world and to connect and share a bond of compassion, but also to share a bond of brokenness because if you don't understand where you once came from and where God has brought you, you can't really connect with people.

The Church's Response to Brokenness

And I think this is what we have an issue with people in the church is that we look at these people that are in these type of situations and we're like, "Ah, man, look at them." And we look at ourselves as if our stuff doesn't stink. Right? But think about that though, man. You talked about the whole false perception, right? That we have when we're living this lifestyle and man, thinking that we were squared away and a lot of times avoiding the people, right?

We share the things in common that are addiction because those people aren't going to call us out on our nature that is a mess, right? And so oftentimes we do, we avoid those people that will speak the direct truth like you did, right? And then when we finally hear that truth, it's jolting. And so I think that's part of maybe the symptom of why we avoid good, godly relationships because it's like, you know, I used to say it all the time in T.C., "Find you an accountability partner, but not a co-defendant," right?

The Balance of Accountability and Fellowship

There's a huge difference in the two of those, and it is the same thing with our coinonia, our fellowship. Right? If we spend time, we engage in relationships and we hold the gospel in common, and that's the goal, we're pursuing that versus the alternative, those people are also looking into the face of God as well. And they have some discernment to be able to call our stuff out, right?

And I think that's part of why you broke through because I doubt there was anybody else in her circle speaking that truth to her. And it took a stranger to come along and speak the truth and kind of say, "Hey, something's off here," right? And she went and, you know, who knows what the Lord's gonna do in her life from that simple seed that you planted. But, man, what have been your struggles with fellowship? Like, right, we know how valuable it is.

Identifying Struggles in Fellowship

And you can go into Acts and 1 John, and there's all kinds of scriptures that speak to the value of fellowship. But, man, I'd be curious, Rob, what have been some of your struggles in engaging? You know, and I'll share some of mine too, in fellowship. No, man, I'm actually glad that you brought that up because I was actually, this is like our ongoing joke for didn't yell at night. We have a tendency to want to give out a level of friendship to others that is not often reciprocated in the same manner.

And it becomes very hard to love people when you're not loved in the same way. And it's like a double-edged sword, right? Because I can't have an expectation of others to love me in the same way that I'm loving them. Because my love and my assurance, my stability of who I am has to come from the Father and the Father alone, right? So, I know that there is some weakness in my...

The Foundation of Personal Stability

I often get just held back because it's like, I like to be dirty and like transparent about who I am and what I do. And some people are just like, yeah, but some people are just like, "Less than half of favor, half of New Year. God is good." And it's like, I know God's good. But, bro, are you struggling? Or is it just me that's just on this journey in my faith where I understand that God wants to deliver me in this area but I also understand that there's a level of relationship and fellowship that when you come together and you confess, as the Bible tells you, not only is He faithful and just to forgive us of all of our sins, but it says in that moment that the elders are to come and to pray, right?

And so, you can talk to somebody like, "Hey, bro, I'm struggling." And they'll just be like, "Hey, yep, you know, that sucks, brother. I'm sorry that you're going through that." It's like, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. So, like, who is your fellowship with? Because in those moments—and like, we got called out on this the other day, right? It was members like, "Oh, yeah, I'm praying for you." It's like, rather than saying I'm praying for you, why don't you just pray right there in that moment?

The Reality of Prayer and Support

You know what I mean? Because the reality is that we're not praying for everybody in the way that we—I'm praying for you, I'm praying for you. Brother, look, you find me, Ms. Mary Sue that has everybody's name on a list that she's coming in contact with that she says she's going to be praying for and that she's doing it on a daily basis. If she's doing that, she must be God. But hey, that's just me.

I know you can't pray for all those people at once every single day. Now, but there are some people that pray for people diligently on a daily basis and I will not discredit that. But at the same time, it's just like that piece, man. I heard, I've seen a meme floating around the internet before that says, "Everybody talks about Jesus's miracles, but nobody talks about the miracle of Jesus having 12 close friends in his thirties." You know?

The Need for Deeper Connections

And it's like, whoa, you know, because you're here I am, right? In my mid-thirties and I think about the close friendships that I have and on, you know, I'm fortunate to have a lot of people in my life, right? And yet, so there is some of that fellowship and now there's that deeper level of intimacy that you start to grow with people, right? Because I can fellowship with a lot of people, but the intimate relationships, man, that's a little deeper, right?

And then just your average, you know, one of the male Christian fellowship. And but you think about that, man, you were just talking about, you know, I've had a hard time with that. Let me elaborate, you know, Ashley and I did TC, right? It was 12, 13 years, the first 12 years of our marriage. And we weren't committed to a look. We had a home church, but we were gone pretty much every Sunday, you know, the three times a month choir services and all of that.

Avoiding Isolation Through Connections

And so we didn't build the deep connections in our church family like a lot of people grew early on in church. And you know, we live an hour from the church I pastored now. So, I mean, I could less than a hand, name off the people that come over to our house and hang out, you know, in a regular basis that's not family, you know? And so I do think about that as a weakness now. And now I've got some 101 friendships because I'm really good 101 friendships like you and I and my buddy Jason and a couple others that we just get on the phone and we're just vulnerable.

Like, and like, if we're going to go to an intimate level in our friendship, like I'm not going to be the only one sharing my stuff in these conversations, right? It's got to be reciprocal. It's like, I don't, I'm good with you helping be my strengths when I'm weak, but let's also—that's going to be back and forth, right? I don't, I don't—I have a pastor, I have a mentor, right? But in my friendships, you know?

The Fellowship of Discipleship

Like, we're guiding each other, you know? And I'm not looking for another person in that level. And so I think there are some layers to this, you know, that—well, I mean, the thing is, man, this is the way I think of it. When Paul said that when the Lord spoke to Paul in second Corinthians chapter 12, and he told him his grace is sufficient for his strength is made perfect in his weakness, prior to him asking him to remove a thorn three times, Paul then replies and says, "I shall boast in my infirmities."

Right? He's like, "I'm going to boast in my weaknesses. I'm going to boast in the things that I'm incapable of doing on my own." And this is it. It's like if we're to desire to have fellowship with one another but that lack fellowship with God, then the fellowship is not genuine. And so there are people out there that have an identity and relationship with God from afar and know who God is, but have yet to knock on His door for Him to let them in.

The Call to Genuine Fellowship

And so this is what happens with a lot of people in the church is that they play Christ; they play Christianity. And you know what, it's okay. But this is where a lot of people become so discouraged or so distant from wanting to even press into a relationship because it's like, "Hold up, y'all are speaking a different truth than what I'm reading. Y'all are living a life that's contrary."

Now mind you, yes, there are a whole bunch of hypocrites in the church. There's not going to be one person that's perfect. And I understand that wholeheartedly. But I do also believe that we need to be a people that is very—

The Importance of Conduct in Fellowship

We need to learn to be very sensitive to how we engage and conduct our lives, man. You brought up a strong point. The instructions of boasting are in our infirmities and on the Lord, right? And so when we boast on ourselves and in our relationships, it perverts the relationships right out, right out the gate, right? Like the instructions in the scripture, dudes, I'm the boast of my weakness and I'm the boast in the Lord.

And so what happens—and man, we've just spent the last several weeks in church talking about the structure of the church a little bit. And how in those areas where Paul's talking about how the church is structured, he talks about humility and he talks about love, especially around the gifts because when pride comes to the table, it perverts everything. And that's what happens when these relationships are led and pride, right? When pride comes to the relationship and it's not about humility and love in each other genuinely, right?

The Heart of Fellowship in Christ

Then we do get the perversion of the relationship. Now what I talked about earlier and I want to clarify this, I'm not saying our drug addict relationships are coinonia. That's not— that's the counterfeit of what God desires for us to have with people. We're out there pursuing something that God already gave us a pattern for. And that's the issue of life altogether is when we start to pursue things outside of God that can only be found in God.

Then our lives end up bankrupt and falling apart because we were not designed to do life apart from Him, just like you said. And so that, man, if all of this doesn't start in Him, then what are we doing, right? We're just like the rest of the world, you know? And I don't have my Bible right in front of me, but if you go to first John and you look at the first two verses, or first three verses, when he talks about how we have seen and we have heard, right?

The Basis of True Fellowship

We have heard, right? This is why we have fellowship, and we want you to have the same fellowship—I'm paraphrasing—so that you would make up my joy complete. Do you have it pulled up? Can you read it? I do, first John, first John 1:1-3, "That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked at with our hands, and our hands have touched. This we proclaim concerning the word of life. The life appeared. We have seen it and testified to it. And we proclaim to you the eternal life which was with the Father and has appeared to us. We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard so that you may also have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with His Son, Jesus Christ. We write this to make our joy complete."

The Fulfillment of Joy through Fellowship

Now, if you read it carefully, you realize that fellowship is birthed to one that knows fellowship with God and it gets brought to the person that's broken and alienated from God. And so they saw, they seen, they heard, they touched. We are the living vessels. We are the instruments. We are the foundations of fellowship. And so when I met the girl at the gas station, she's been alienated from God and didn't know fellowship.

So when I came on the scene and spoke truth, it reconnected her to what her original design was intended to be so that she can know what fellowship is. And so if we don't have the eyes to see, we'll never know the heart of the Father to demonstrate these things to the brokenness of the world. And that's what fellowship is. So now I can offer something not by my works but by how I conduct myself in an everyday manner that people can now partake in the very thing that I'm partaking in so that my joy can be complete because the reward of the Father is like the prodigal son.

The Prodigal Son's Heart

He wants them to return home. He doesn't care the condition. He's going to give him the robe. He's going to give him the ring. He's going to give him the sandals. They've always been. They always will be a son. Yeah, that's so good, man. No, you know, you and I talked about that several times. I was like, why is it so hard, right, when people leave programs? And the misconception is, "Well, now I'm out of the program. I'm out of the safe place."

The Pursuit of Disciple Relationships

And it has nothing to do with the program, especially in Christian discipleship programs, and has everything to do with the pursuit of the Father following off. It's easy to do it in an environment like that. Our minds are set on Jesus. It's easy to stay on the path and to stay in relationship with folks. And it's not because the people are delivered to us and they're beside us; it's because we're pursuing God in the middle of it all, right?

And so, man, and that is a, wow, because that is a whole mouthful to think about that if my relationships are struggling, then it speaks to my lack of pursuit of the Lord. My goodness. And that's one of those things, man, where it's like, I gotta look in the mirror now and say, like if I'm struggling to connect with people and I'm not able to connect to people in a spiritual level and I don't have people close to me, then the onus isn't on anybody else. It's on me not pursuing God as I should.

The Call to Accountability

And let me be transparent, guys. The Lord spoke and gave me this revelation because He wanted me to recognize an area by my side. Yeah. I mean, it's great that you admitted your weakness, but I've got it all together. I'm good. Thank you. Close the curtain here and speak in fashion, son, you know? I'm going to shout out a good friend of mine back home. He drives for UPS; his name's Demelma Cray.

You know, if he listens to this, I'll tell him, you know, just, you know, quick shout-out to him. But one thing I admire about our relationship, we cannot talk to each other for a week, two weeks, but then pick up the phone and pick off what we left off. But that brother, it's always hard for me to call him, but it's always good for me to call him because he's always going to tell me everything I need to hear, not what I want to hear.

Finding Genuine Friends in Fellowship

He speaks truth and he cuts very deep, and I admire him for that. And I say all that to say, what people do you have in your life that are speaking truth to your issues and your problems and not affirming your issues and problems to keep you in that condition and that state of being? You know, because we often have people that we surround ourselves with that are like-minded to the dark side but not like-minded to the side of light.

And so what we do is we find friends and we're like, "Oh, well, it's like you have an issue that only wisdom from the Lord could handle, but then you go on asking your mom and your uncle and your aunt that don't even know the Lord how to handle a situation that they can't speak to," right? And so it's like that's not proper fellowship. I'm just kind of giving you all an example of what I mean by all of that, but you know.

Pursuing Healthy Relationships

Yeah, no, I was looking, I flipped over to second John's chapter two where he goes on to talk about the whole issue of forgiveness and hanging around with other believers and talking about that. It's like when you go to pursue advice and pursue direction from people who are still in the darkness, you've got a blind person leading you, right? You've got somebody that's been dark into the world and they can't lead us to a home that they're not living in, right? Like, they don't know the address, they don't know how to get there.

And, you know, you think about that part of it, man. And I just—yeah, it’s easier to look outwards and say, "Man, why won't nobody accept me? Why won't anybody engage in relationship?" And there are some real struggles with rejection. I put a podcast up and interview I did solo last week and most of the conversation was with a guy named Brian, if you all are watching, you can scroll down the Facebook page and check that out. But a lot of it was on the issue of rejection and struggling with that.

The Cycle of Seeking Approval

And then trying to solve that spirit of rejection and deal with that in unhealthy manners, you know? And a lot of times, it comes through people-pleasing and other things, you know, but really, man, yeah, having that authentic connection with the Lord which leads to authentic connection with other people. I'm going to go home and repent tonight. Thank you. Thank you for messing with me.

No, man, I think this is like a really good starting, you know, foundation just for our viewers. And just for those that, you know, don't even know the Lord or are struggling and that are on the fence. Like, don't discredit the church because you encountered somebody that doesn't represent Christ well. I did that, you know. I looked at the church and I was like, there's nothing but a whole bunch of hypocrites and I had to realize I was a hypocrite for saying, I was saying, you know what I mean?

Overcoming Hypocrisy in Fellowship

And like, I'm not perfect. Nobody's perfect. And so the thing is, is that until you come to the source, stop going to the middle man, right? Come to the source, man, get that raw, uncut, you know, like red letter. Yeah, I'm speaking in drug terms for all y'all that need that type of clarity. But the thing is that that's what it is. Go to the Father. He has torn the veil for you to come. He has given you access into His throne room.

All you have to do is believe, confess that He is Lord, that He is Savior, and He has delivered you from all of your sins and has cast them as far as the east is from the west. The gospel is good news to your brokenness. So I'm inviting you guys to have fellowship with the Father because He desires to have fellowship with you. And this makes Justin and I our joy complete. It really does. That's the heart that we have behind it, all that we do. We just want to see people back in fellowship with the Father because we've been given that opportunity and how could we not offer it to someone else?

Closing Thoughts on Fellowship

Yeah, that's so good, man. I am not going to add anything. I'm going to let that be a thing, but no. I'm just going to sit there and this call, man, because that is just, I mean, that's the heartbeat, you know, and man. Well, I know we wanted to keep it short tonight, dude. So thanks for jumping on and getting together. And thank you all for watching. Again, this is going to go up the full thing. If you're watching normal Facebook, hit like, share it, comment, do all the stuff.

If you're on YouTube, like and subscribe. If you're listening on audio, enjoy the listen. I don't really know what to tell you to do. Like, I'm going to Facebook and leave us a comment so we know who you are, right? Right, right, right. Oh, man, it's been, it's good, man. So I'm excited to get this one up. And on, yeah, man, I think that's there. Cool. Awesome, though.