How I Stayed Clean for 13 Years (It's Not What You Think)

I was just thinking to myself, it's really important to understand when you are struggling or you are trying to find good systems for yourself that ask yourself this. Are you focusing on God or are you focusing on yourself? Welcome to another episode of Rebuilding Life After Addiction. Justin Franage here. I'm here with my friend Rob Grant. if you guys have been on the channel for a while and you scroll way back about a year and a half ago or so, way back, you'll see a bunch of conversations about me and with me and Rob as we started this journey together. And man, two years later, we're not on the other side of a Zoom screen and we are here in person having a conversation. How you doing, man? Man, I'm pretty good, man. it's been a blessing. long journey traveling from California all the way to Virginia. but we're here. We made it. We're excited and what God's going to do on this next season. Yeah, man. I'm excited. Well, we were talking off camera a little bit before and we were calculating and because I'm coming up on my 20th year since I went to Teen Challenge and you said you got 13. Yeah, 13. So, that's 33 years of sobriety between the two of us. Not just sobriety recovery, but like freedom in Christ, right? And I just want to think about like this topic of not just long-term freedom, but there are a lot of systems and a lot of processes over the years that we've added into our lives to fuel not just getting off of drugs, but personal growth, right? Cuz I think there's there's that one battle of getting free, but then it's how do I actually establish a full life? Right. Right. Jesus talks about I've come to give you life and give it to you more abundantly. and that more abundant life. And I feel like sometimes people really never get there. And so, man, if you're watching this, whether you're new to your recovery journey, you're still trying to figure this out, or you're chasing it, this is going to be an excellent conversation for you. one of the things I've learned over my lifetime is that when I have a chance to get next to people who are a little further along on the journey than me, there's a lot of growth. what I'm saying? And so, I really hope that as we talk about this, man. So, let me ask you a question to kick this off. What's a pivotal moment from early on in your recovery journey? So, let's rewind 13 years ago, right? If you can, and as we get older, it gets hard to remember, but are there any pivotal moments in that early journey, not necessarily I hit rock bottom met challenge, but like when you were really trying to put life together, right, rebuild that life after the addiction. Do you have any remember any pivotal moments? moments? moments? Yeah. wow. That's that's huge. I think if I look back, I was in the program and I was doing an internship and I had this little room in a dorm with other students and I remember praying and asking the Lord for direction and guidance because I was actually afraid to leave the facility. I didn't know what was going to come about, the next season or journey of my life. I thought that if I had left, I'd stumble back into the same systems that I knew for so many years prior to coming into Teen Challenge. And so, I remember the Lord speaking to me, and when I went to chapel service, there was a family, I'll never forget them, but Brenda and her husband, John, I forgot their last names, but they came to the facility on numerous basises and, poured into us as students. So they were like our spiritual parents, if you will, on the campus and it was just an amazing encounter that I had with them and them being able to pour into my life. But they connected me with a gentleman by the name of Chris Fron. So Chris, if you do happen to hear this, you are a huge impact on my life and the path and the journey that I took in my Christian faith and walk. And it was being able to be connected with him and going on a mission trip to Africa that I witnessed his lifestyle. Not just what he spoke from his mouth, but the way that he lived his lifestyle within his home, the way he raised his kids, his devotional time, but more importantly, his prayer time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, he taught me the value of having great systems within your Christian faith. Not so that you can have this outward appearance of look what I'm doing, but so that you're aligned and redirected back to the right path. That reminds me of the scripture that John talks about when he says that the Holy Spirit will lead you into all truth. Yeah, that's good. So I stopped depending on myself so much and like hey what can Rob do to sustain a lifestyle apart from Christ rather than saying hey look what am I going to do to live a life that's centered in Christ independent on him to lead me into the past and the journey that he has set forth will yeah it's good it made me think of Jaco Willink he's a Navy Seals born on podcaster but I think I it was him I heard say he was talking about military service and going over and getting put in the heat of battle attle and he said, when it comes to battle, you rarely rise to the occasion. You fall to the level of your training or your systems. There you go. And that's really what you just described, right? It's this process of like when we're going through the heat of the battle, we're going through the really difficult times that we're facing on, coming out of addiction and all of that, you've got to be intentional putting new systems in place, right? Because what typically happens if the new patterns haven't been established, then we revert to the old ones. And it made me think of when I first got out of TC, I' i'd been clean a year at this point. I was home and I faced my first loss coming home. My grandmother passed away. Wow. Wow. Wow. Literally within 3 weeks of getting home. And I share this story often because that night that I was dealing with the grief. We had buried my grandmother, and she was great, man. She was such a solid woman of God. and oh well, she's with the Lord and everybody says that. And while that may be true, that doesn't minimize the grief that somebody's walking through when you lose somebody, right? And I had a friend reach out to me and invite me to a Christian worship concert. The same night I had an ex-girlfriend reach out to me and I had two choices. I ended up choosing to go to the worship concert cuz it was about not that it was a difficult choice, but it was about okay, this is my new life. I need to go be in the presence of God and I need the chance to meet people who are going to help me stay sober. Right. Right. Right. Going to that concert that night, there was a young lady in the back in driving that car and I sat in the back. That young lady I'm married to now with four kids. kids. kids. Wow. Wow. Wow. And that was the beginning right of that journey. That was a pivotal moment and it was establishing a new system. And so really think about that. And like man I think people struggle with that cuz we in the recovery world a lot of people whether it's team lot of people whether it's Teen Challenge or any other min ministry celebrate recovery aa na whatever we can all get really good at doing program right doing the system when we have to but what did that process look like? You said Chris helped establish and see new systems. What type of systems did you start to establish separate from Teen Challenge, right? Real world outside of the rehab center. Yeah, that's actually really good, and so I think a lot there was Chris and another gentleman by the name of Jerry. he actually helped disciple me apart from Chris outside of the program. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And one thing that he would always do was send me scripture every single day. And I would never respond. It was like my devotional time, right? Like I would read what he sent, but I would never respond and be "Amen." or "Thank you," or so on and so forth. And it wasn't until I actually moved up here in 2015 or 20 2014 that I met a brother named Rob who lives up in I think it's Woodstock, but he would send me scripture as well. So I was getting scripture from Jared. I was getting scripture from Rob. And then it birthed something in me because as they were filling me up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was living out of an overflow. So I was able to fill them up with scripture. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And till this day, I send probably texts to about 50 people of scripture every single morning. It's become a ministry one for me because it's taught me to have my own personal quiet time. Yeah. But it's also taught me that there's somebody else on the other end that needs to hear the exact word that the Lord's giving to me because they might be in a broken or a fallen state. And it's a reminder to say, "Hey, look, you've got to be in the presence of God. You got to be in your word, right?" And so, at first I was that this was boring like why do I have to continue to do this every single day? But I also remembered that when I wasn't doing it, it's when I was slip and fall. Yeah. . Yeah, it's really good. it goes back to that I think that appetite piece, right? We have an appetite of the flesh. We have a spiritual appetite, and it's it's choosing which one you're going to feed, right? My wife says that all the time, right? right? right? She's "Which wolf is greater?" greater?" greater?" The black one or the white one? And people will always inherently say the black wolf, which in our eyes, right, earthly eyes, we "Oh, that's dark. It's it's, it's it's has a lot more force." But she's "No, it's not the one that's white or black. It's the one that you feed the most." Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so, who are we feeding? And so, we're no custom to the systems that we had prior to coming into Teen Challenge. And so, when we leave Teen Challenge, I think one of the things that a lot of people fail to do is find new friends. Yeah. Yeah. That was the deal. that was the game changer. Not dealbreaker, but game changer for me was like that decision, right? It was I'm choosing to go feed the spirit rather than the flesh. And in doing that, I met people that were going to sustain me. It's like life prior to rehab and recovery look like you're going out to party, right? right? right? Where like now I've got friends that I'm getting together with and we're holding prayer meetings. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like that's our idea of fun. Like like let's see who can out pray each other in the basement of the center, . And that was just a shift, in life. And it was that desire to start feeding not the desire but the decision to keep feeding the spirit consistently over and over. And I even noticed we were talking about this earlier like even now in my life the one area that keeps coming up years later still is that when I'm going through something the battle with isolation like I still battle with that and now it's not let me rephrase that. It's not isolation and going on a binge. That part of life's gone. But still the desire to isolate, it's still there. And having to fight through that and remind myself dude, you got to get out. You got to get up. You got to go do something, . Right. Yeah. And I think I can attest to what you're saying. one thing I want to make very clear on this podcast is that I have not arrived. I don't think Justin believes that he's arrived. But I think that we are still trying to figure this thing called life out. we're constantly being rebuilt in the identity in the image of Christ. And one thing I've been actually been reflecting on Justin is allowing the father to love me. And when I allow him to love me, he teaches me new systems. He teaches me the ways in which he walked and how he lives his life so that I can also live that same life for myself. And I see that in parenting today, right? I think that grew me up pretty quickly. I tell this story to many people that I talk to, but had my wife and I not gone through a marriage retreat called A Weekend to Remember and shout out to the Patricks that, bought us our first ticket. We would have probably been divorced. Now hindsight looking back I'm like I laugh at the arguments that I had but I had great systems in place and people and resources in place which is i.e. the new friends that actually help guide you to create new systems right and so me parenting today and teaching my son and teaching my daughters and teaching my kids what's remarkable is that they see what I do and then they mirror that. Yeah. So it's like the longer you're in proximity to the father, the more you'll understand the systems that the father does and wants of you. Right? The thing is if you're absent from him and you're not in proximity with him, then you don't know what he's doing. doing. doing. Jesus says, he says, "I do what the father does. I speak what the father speaks. I do nothing on my own accord." And so the thing is that we're always as former addicts trying to do things on our own accord. Yeah. We want it our way, right? Like you can't tell me nothing is a phrase that we would often say. And especially from someone that was homeless and has done life by himself for so many years, my issue is that I don't really receive help, help, help, right? right? right? I want to do it myself. And so I've had to learn to receive the help from the people around me because that's what God has brought community for. Yeah. That's a big that's a big struggle, right? It's there's that there's those two extremes. Either we we get to this place of like neediness and we never learn to do anything, right? We never learn to build our own foundation, right? right? right? we're we're eating off a bar of bread all the time, right? right? right? And or the other side where we get this like ridiculous self-reliance where we don't reach out for help and life is rarely on the extremes. extremes. extremes. what I'm saying? real growth really happens in that messy middle that's right in between both extremes and and so yeah that's so let's get practical like practically speaking it's easy for us to say this stuff sitting 20 years 13 years removed from it all right so for the individuals that are maybe in recovery or early on in their journey right now right like you mentioned that whole process of friends and So, what about an individual who doesn't have any Christians around them? cuz a lot of times when we're in the middle of this in the early on days trying to figure out life, all we see are the barriers around us and we can't see the opportunities, right? right? right? So, how does somebody shift that mindset to start seeing, the opportunities to build community when they may feel like they have nobody? Yeah. that's a loaded question, man. It is a it's a big one. I think first and foremost is that what many people don't do once they leave Teen Challenge is they don't get themselves connected to a church. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. And so the thing is that you're you're not going to pursue something that you don't desire. Yeah. But Rob, I can't find the right church. everyone I go to the worship music's not good and and nobody has my shared experiences. Everybody looks different than me. what I'm saying? The church is nearby me. Well, I have to push back on that, right? because I'm a black man that's constantly in a white community of churches or I feel sorry I said that on the podcast it probably sounds a little crazy but often at times I am the token black guy right and so I'm often uncomfortable in our life circumstances and situations but what I had to realize is that my sobriety meant more to me than what others thought of that right and so if I'm willing to remain pure in my state of sobriety and wanting to get connect if I truly want what it is that I'm crying out for help for. I'm going to put myself in uncomfortable positions and just start with a simple hello. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Or maybe even you ask someone that is that you are connected with maybe your family you family friends may maybe you start there like point me in the right direction. But there's there's so many resources out there that there's no room for excuses anymore to be honest with you. Like I think the thing is that we could have the pity party and have the woe is me and why is this not working and why is that not working? This church does this and this church doesn't do this. It's like there's a church for everyone. The thing is that the problem is you. And I think the reality is that we have to come to that point in our lives where you're taking you wherever you go. Yeah. And until you change your mind and have a renewed mind to see the church through God's eyes and not through your eyes, it's always going to be perverted. Yeah. Was it Paul that said, "Not that I have already obtained or achieved, but I press forward." Right. And I think that's the even in something as simple as choosing a church like sobriety recovery is not a destination. It's a starting point. And if I'm constantly concerned with personal growth, maturing, getting better in this walk, growing in my faith with Christ, becoming a more complete and mature person, then everything can change and grow with me. So I say that, I know that seems random, but I say that in regards to the church because even picking something that may not be perfect, right, or ideal, maybe you have this idea of what a church should look like. Yeah, but just go somewhere to start. And I could if I'm honest, right, I had that issue. I was a fresh young believer. I didn't know the Lord. Didn't grow up in a church. And I would read the text and I'm "Hold on. What I'm reading in the book of Acts does not align as to what I'm seeing around me." I just couldn't wrap my head around what the church actually was until I realized that the church wasn't a building, it's the people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I think the thing is that we put so much focus on the building rather than the body and the people. And if we put more focus on that and building those relationships and learning to see each other's differences and how you might compliment somebody and vice versa, they compliment you and your weaknesses and and so on and so forth, then you're able to realize, okay, look, I'm I'm doing this together collectively as a whole to help me achieve one common goal, right? And so I don't know if that helps or Yeah. No, that's good. I think it goes back to like the recurring theme over the years has been, people and the 12 steppers say people, places, and things all the time. the recovery group, they always talk about that people, places, and things, as areas that you need to look at and address. And I think for most of us, it is trying to find that community to engage with, trying to find that place. But then on the other side of that coin, like I think if I look back over 20 years, like one of the biggest drivers of my success has been the desire to consistently help other people. So like I got but then I gave, right? And I think that we were talking about names that we both remember from years of doing this work and being involved in Teen Challenge ministry and like realizing over the years there are a lot of people that I helped and that we both helped and helped get their lives back together but there were a lot of people over those years that I was helping and they didn't realize that in the process they were also helping me grow. Wow. Wow. Wow. They were helping me mature. every student was a life lesson. Wow. for me personally. And so that aspect of like putting the systems in place to help maintain the sobriety, sobriety, sobriety, but like we didn't receive this to hold on to it. We received it to give it away, away, away, right? And yeah, it's that's been one of the big battles over the not battles, but I think encouraging and rewarding parts and I can just name off the name. We were talking of a few who share people and then even talking about some of the ones who didn't make it earlier and it's just like but consistently this ability to help others has been so huge. It reminds me what Jesus told the disciples for it has been freely given so freely give. Yeah. And I think the thing is that when you've been given, especially if you've been struggling with addiction for so many years and you then been set free by the grace and mercy of God, like why wouldn't you want to extend that same offering to someone else, right? Paul talks about how we've been given the gift or the ministry of reconciliation. reconciliation. reconciliation. Yeah. And the thing is that moment of freedom and the shackles and the chains being taken from you is the opportunity that you now have been given to go and reconcile the relationships that may have been broken because you no longer stand as the old you, but you are now the new you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so what gets people the most I think personally in this relapse cycle is the loss of their identity. Yep. And it took me a while through systems and mentorship from my mother that she's allowed me to realize who I am in Christ. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And even over a decade later, 13 years, I still wrestle with who I am in Christ. But I'm reminded through the text as I open it up daily that I am new in him, that I am his child, that I'm his beloved in whom he's well pleased, right? That I'm the head and not the tail. And I have to constantly strive to put aside the old and behold and take on the new. So, let me ask you that identity question. I want to go into that a little bit more. so what does that look like when it shows up, right? like they're struggling with identity and the recovery and relapse that process and what is somebody what are you experiencing what is somebody else potentially experiencing when they know they may be dealing with an identity crisis or identity issues and not just using drugs right like I think for me for the longest and when I speak identity I'm not talking about changing your outer appearance right this is not like a plastic surgery thing. This is being okay with who you are, right? And I think sometimes we mistake the fact that Peter was a fisherman and though he was saved, it didn't take him away from the having the identity of being a fisherman, fisherman, fisherman, right? right? right? And I think for many of us, like we struggle with who we are as a person and we think we have to be like the pastor, like the deacon or like the worship leader once we become saved. It's no, you're okay with just being the clerk at the grocery store and you're okay with making minimum wage if that's what ends up happening throughout your life because that does not take you away from your relationship with God. And I think so often at times we strive for this success, if you will, or live this American dream and then when we obtain it and we get the accolades and we have all the trophies to show for, we think that is what's going to fulfill us when the reality is what truly fulfills us is the identity in Christ and the acceptance of who you are. Yeah, that's good. cuz you don't have to change like you start thinking and doing things differently but we have to understand the sanctification process right he justifies us then he sanctifies us but it's a process and then we are glorified with Christ when he returns and so this process of change and the renewing of the mind can only be done through the reading and the washing of the word right so the more I take God's word in the more I'm washing away the lies that the enemy tells me is you'll never amount to anything. Remember what you did in the past. All these different things. It's like you've spent all these you stole from your parents. You've done all these wrong things and so on and so forth. And so you live in the past and not in the present. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so your old self is constantly rearing its head and then you think that's who you are. And the reality is it's like no, that's not who Christ calls you to be anymore. You are a new creation in Christ. The old is gone. Behold, all things are made new. But we don't believe the truth of God's word. Right. Right. Right. And so we've we have this idea of subjective and objective truth. That's good. Yeah. Yeah. That identity struggle, man, is so key. And I think wrestling with it and even still realizing where it pops up, like even as we progress like I'm I am only experiencing this season of life for the first time. Always like always experiencing a new like I turned 40 this year. Wow. Wow. Wow. And sucks for you, dude. Yeah, man. It's it's crazy. But I had like a really like a crazy moment last week when I dropped my 16-year-old off at work for the first time. I'm "Holy crap." "She is close to leaving the house." And you start to as you start to get older, I remember hearing old people talk about this when I was younger and I would think they were crazy. But now you experience and it's man, like time is flying by. Where did 16 years go? And so start thinking about these next seasons of life and like who am I in this season? and trying to sort through some of that stuff, it's it's crazy. And I think too, if I could just add to this, I think often at times what ends up happening for me is I get locked up in and wrapped up in my identity when I start looking at the lives of others. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Neglecting what I have right in front of me. me. me. Yeah, that's good. I've had so many times where people Robert, when I thought I had nothing, they're Rob, man, dude, I love your marriage, dude. you have such beautiful kids, like you have an amazing life. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I didn't see it that way because I was missing something. And what I was missing often at times was wrapped around finances, right? Or the lack of not having a home because I'm renting right now in this season and I don't have this or I don't have that. And I remember my wife and I would always say, it was a ongoing joke, but we would always be like when we first got together, only if we had this, things would be so much better. And the reality is, get this guys, if you get nothing else from this, the system in the from this podcast is if you understand that you possess the creator of this universe, Yeah. The one that has formed you in your mother's womb, the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. He resides within you, the Holy Spirit, the pariclete, the comforter, the helper. helper. helper. He's more precious than silver and gold. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When you gain a revelational knowledge of that, then you begin to realize that nothing else truly matters. Yeah. But the enemy comes to kill, steal, and destroy. And he wants to remove that truth from you so that you can fixate your attention on everything other than fixating your attention on Christ. I was just thinking to myself, it's really important to understand when you are struggling or you are trying to find good systems for yourself that ask yourself this. Are you focusing on God or are you focusing on yourself? Yeah. everything that you just said there. I've I quote this verse all the time, but James 1 2-4, consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, when you face trials of various kinds, knowing that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. This is the part that I love. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. Then he goes on to say, "If you lack wisdom, ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault." fault." fault." Wow. Wow. Wow. I'm not even looking at your identity. I know who you are. You're my child. I'm not finding fault. I'm not finding the fault in you that you find in yourself. And it will be given to you. Then ask, you will not doubt. But man, like that's it right there. that is literally what you just said in a nutshell, right? It's that process of like as we start to pursue this journey, man, there have been innumerable challenges over the last 20 years. and I know there are these people that get clean and they like 10 years later, 20 years like I've never wanted to use a I never thought about relapsing in my life. I never thought about getting high again. And maybe they did. Yeah. Like but there have been some moments over the years where I wrestled me mentally with possibly blowing my life up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I think because like we understand that it is a process. There's a perseverance. There's a maturity being built in us and it's in the testing. It's in the trying. It's the systems. We typically don't decide to establish a system in our life until we experience the hardship of not having it. Wow. Wow. Wow. Right. And so, I learned to get on a budget once I got tired of credit card bills showing up. I learned to handle my money a little better, right? That's so good. I learned to Yeah. Yeah. Just so many things, man. And I can keep going on and on, but like get in control of my schedule and cutting the phone off at certain times when I experienced the tension of my wife being frustrated that I wasn't present when I was home in the evening. and so we experience these trials. We experience these things. And then through that, that's when we start to establish the systems in our lives, . know. know. And if I can speak to the fatherless, cuz I was a fatherless child. that was a big what's the word that I want to use? That was a big part of who I become in a sense. Yeah. And there's many people that have present parents or active parents, if you will, but not present parents. And just for anyone that's dealing with the loss of a father or doesn't even have the father in their life, I think often at times we just want to hear I love you or I'm proud of you. Yeah. and I think hearing those words audibly can do so much to an individual. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it takes them so far. My girls just look for affirmation from me. My son just wants to see me smile when I look at him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And to know that he I am proud of him. And if you're listening to this right now, I'm I'm not your father, but I want to let if no one has told you in a very long time that I love you, right? that you are loved, that you are precious in his eyes. And I think the thing is that you can't look at your shortcomings as the end all beall, right? Yeah. Those are opportunities for God to come in because he says in his word, "His grace is sufficient." Yeah. His strength is made perfect in our weakness. And so systems are put in place for God to intervene in those moments. Yeah. To reveal himself so that you understand who he is in your life and who you are in his. Yeah. crazy talk about taking Chloe to work and on just the smile on her face when she got out of her interview and I got the job. And she came in, I got the job, Dad. And I'm man, what a way to go. You killed it, . I'm proud of you. And just the way that she just lit up like a Christmas tree, and it's just like I knew you were going to nail it. Great job. and just simple things like that. But we were talking about that earlier in regards to leadership and just like even as you walk along in this journey like even leadership can be a lonely place. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And having without people in your life, right? right? right? To speak I know for me like I those moments where I feel like everything's falling apart. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then I bring somebody else into it and they're "Dude, what are you talking about? Things are fine." Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm "No, but the world is burning." and they're "No, you're doing a lot better than you think you are." M and having those people be able to speak cuz our mind is so easily like deceived and manipulated by the enemy if we're not careful. And so and it doesn't help too like with social media you always see everybody else's life in their highlight reels and stuff and you might not have any. you didn't go on any vacations that year. dang, why is Sharon always going on vacations? And Jim is he's always having fun and you're over there like on your couch eating popcorn, right? And so, you don't really feel like your life really amounts to anything. And Greg Hammond was one of the directors for the Teen Challenge back down south. And he always used to say to me, he said, "Rob, you can never encourage a man enough." Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Nobody's going to say that you're encouraging me to death. And I think the thing is it goes a very long way just sharing a simple reminder to your brother and sister in Christ. Here's who they are. And here's the first person I ever heard teacher bringing in sandals. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Yeah. It crushed me. Yeah. I was like that was one of the few sermons that I've heard of that I'm just crying in the middle of the preaching. Like that dude was such a good communicator, man. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Well, man, thank you guys for jumping in and I just want to encourage you if you're u new around here, hit the like button, subscribe to the channel, leave a comment down below, and we're going to be getting together more and doing more of these. I'm here for the long run. Lives in Virginia again. And man, if you're new here again, hit the like button, subscribe to the channel. Thank you for tuning in and leave us a comment. Let us know what systems that you put in your life that has helped you along this journey or maybe what systems you're lacking. We'd love to chat.