He Faced Arson Charges and Still Chose Recovery

hey thanks so much for jumping in and checking out today's episode of the podcast where I sit down with my friend John Selby and he tells his story of rebuilding his life after addiction and some of the challenges he faced hope you enjoyed the episode now we've known each other for quite a while now it's got to be at least what 15 years almost 16 years oh my goodness we're almost 16. yeah that's crazy and we have this we share a birthday yeah same exact day which is crazy there I know one other guy I know he's not with us anymore he's older gym they passed on a couple years ago but also has the same birthday so I knew two people with birthday on the same exact day that we share birthday that's wow which is crazy but yeah we met in Teen Challenge and I don't I you got an incredible testimony of that part of your life and I didn't really want to talk about that today because I think that like both of us as former addicts on the other side of that like we've grown beyond that part of our testimonies yes a hundred percent right and so sometimes it can get easy to get clicks and get people to tune into a conversation when you start talking about all the Gory drug details but I don't think people think about the on the challenge of like building life on the other side of addiction not only putting all the pieces together but man my battles today aren't drugs anymore right like yeah like I am an average dude trying to figure out how to raise four girls trying to figure out how to put all these pieces into my life but I was thinking about something before we got together so I preached on Sunday when Elijah in his journey to karisse when he was at the the Ravine there with the Ravens and all that stuff and he really had to rely on God in that season but what I talked about was how God took Elijah to this Wilderness he cut them off for a season that word actually means grief means to be cut off and man it really made me think about on your journey before you got married before you had kids after Teen Challenge and you came you were back at Teen Challenge you were getting ready to serve you were excited to serve and I almost likened that story to Elijah like he went to give the word to Ahab and then all of a sudden it's like boom God just cuts him off from the world and I remember your accident and I just wanted to talk about that for a little bit because I think it was number one that part of your story is so relevant for what I preached on Sunday but I also think that it and maybe I'm speaking I'll turn you can speak to this more but that it did something incredible and you to set you up for the long-term success like so maybe for those who aren't familiar but I know people aren't familiar with what happened because you mind sharing what took place what cut you off from the world if you will well oh you're talking about the accident right yeah well before I came over here I said man it's been almost 16 years I found myself I said wow 16 years ago I was I had just pretty much almost I pretty much now hit rock bottom 16 years ago today and then I thought I said man here are my 16 years ago my parents were wondering what are we going to do with John and then it was that point God I think started beginning to he allowed me to hit that rock bottom so he can begin a new work in me and then what the accident we were on our way to Annie's birthday party actually we're on the way here yeah and then we had a head-on collision it cracked my L3 L2 vertebrae and my dad and I had the same breakage in our back it cracked my mom's femur it laceration to my liver I had brain hemorrhaging and then of course then we had to go to the hospital and then of course I was shortly after graduated Teen Challenge and then I knew a lot of times when you go to the hospital like that you hit you get these these painkillers and these just the stuff to control the pain and at that point I was almost not fresh at a team I guess fresh had a teens challenge yeah I don't know if you had barely started your internship I think you'd been helping the ministry out for a month or two and I think you're committed on for a while but then all of a sudden this obviously this thing happens and completely to redirects what's going to happen in your life and yeah you went to the hospital I and I don't get to talk about this to a lot of people but I remember I remember showing up at the hospital and hearing the doctor or somebody in the room tell me that you were adamant about refusing the painkillers and like listen I've I'm a wimp okay like L2 and L3 brain hemorrhaging all this stuff going on like at and that type of resolve was what always impressed me like man my freedom and what I have in Christ is so important to me yeah because I was just so scared on because that point I was in ICU I see you overnight they were debating on whether they should operate on my back or not they were in the air they fit me for a cast that I had to wear other than sitting on the back on my back that's the only time I could take it off but the nurse would come and how's your pain I would force a lie I'm good and yeah the whole time I was it was just killing me but I was so scared because every time I wanted to make that choice to say I want a little bit of relief I remember people coming in the Teen Challenge hope doing opioids hooked on oxycontins hoped on this because of the injury that they had sustained yeah and they said well they were taking it let the doctor prescribe and so it after the hospital you go home they said here take this four hours and good to go and this thing it they're constantly taking it and that always ran it through my mind about like gosh I'm I'm afraid to do this because I'm afraid I'm gonna start getting addicted because the devil was saying that you're going to get addicted because but when Christ said I have set you free you're free indeed and I knew I was free from it but I was afraid to get back into it yeah and if that makes any sense my flesh then I remember you telling me because I got to the point where when I said yes I needed some they were having to give me way more than what I needed because I was waiting so long because of the pain was just so much so they were giving me more than what I should and I remember you telling me quit being so stubborn right and let the doctors do what they need to do he said that point I said God I'm gonna have to do something yeah you never you're not going to hear a drug rehab director tell somebody too often to take pain pills pretty serious but yeah that's just that point where I was just so scared because I was fresh out of Teen Challenge they said Teen Challenge is to start until yeah year and then during that visit in the hospital I met a friend well my wife now but Amanda and she told me not to say anything embarrassing so I keep it low but she she was cut she was down for spring break and she was coming to the hospital driving to UVA every day and coming to see me yeah driving across that mountain every single day so that's where y'all's relationship really pretty much started yeah 15 14 years later I never thought that we'd be married to her yeah you'd have two kids you have two kids we have a daughter of seven Addison and we have Levi who's two yeah so a seven-year-old and two-year-old never would have imagined my life it's interesting like I don't and God doesn't give sickness to people I know that's not the scripture he doesn't cause accidents to happen in our lives I don't think God directed that car yeah but I'm always amazed to see how we talk about all things work together for the good and how in those seasons of like entire life plan changed you're now going to have to go through this tremendous recovery process and have to walk through all that but yet in that moment like number one your sobriety and your freedom from addiction is tested a little bit with the opioids how much resolve do I really have and all of that and that's all reasonable but then also in that moment like you meet your wife yeah and I think there's more to the story right like with your probation and your fines and how like you had some pretty significant rest institution to pay off right protein challenge I got two felony charges on me and they end up being restitution of fifty six thousand dollars I had to pay yeah and then but during that accident I never thought that the outcome would be what it is yeah and I believe like you said the sobriety was tested yeah and I believe God had his hand on me because of my mindset I was cautious knowing where I've been and then what could lead to yeah a spiraling addiction downhill yeah if I didn't continue relying on him if I didn't continue to say hey look once this pain is under control once you get to where I can just take Ibuprofen and stuff like that I'm I'm gonna ditch this stuff yeah I'm not going to continue letting the doctor say here take a little more of this take a little more of that I'm not going to continue to do that yeah and at that point if that accident would have happened would have Amanda would she have going through the would I have even crossed any more paths with her yeah for a week straight she came to the hospital every day she was there and then she even visited me when I was back home yeah that's six hour drive yeah wow and but the restitution and then got him at a wedding where I was able to pay that off yeah and the probation would 99 years that's what the judge gave me I remember in the courtroom I was walking over with four other guys and we were sitting we were all chained together while I was in jail because I did three months and 13 days in jail when I went for my sentencing yeah and I remember you took me from Team and I remember you took me from Teen Challenge and dude that was a long drive back alone you punk listen less we went to Chili's and said hey how's it going to be your last meal right and the whole time the judge put me in jail and I had to stay there and you had to take that long dreaded drive home yeah here I was in jail right after Teen Challenge man here I was sitting in jail realizing I said well it your sins catch up to even though I was free even though I was a newborn Christian I still had to yeah I had to deal with that I had to deal with the consequences 100 everybody in Life deals with consequences which I tell my kids all the time and that's challenging too right because I think probably through the course and I don't know I can't think of specific people but I've seen people come through TC with charges a lot worse yeah and not have to do a day yeah and like and so like you're at the end of your program you've done a year plus already yeah I graduated June 25th and went to jail July 10th and got out October 23rd three months and 13 days and my faith was tested in there definitely 100 definitely I had us because my charges were violent they were setting it up to where I wasn't going home that day my probation officer said hey look we're going to set you up to go to a prison boot camp because they're not going to send you their Teen Challenge because you already went there so I'm thinking about oh my Lord zero I am at everything set up shops and everything and then my lawyer said you're not don't look forward to going home today you're probably not going to go home yeah and then I remember the judge sentenced me to 10 years to the arson charge in 10 years to the break and entering run consecutive back to back I was suspended but time served they always paused right they sentenced you first they pause and then they tell you it's it's suspended yeah and then but prior to that I was just pleading the god while I was waiting to be seen in a room they bring you with four other people and then all three of them people all four of them people got rejected bombed yeah so I'm thinking and then prior to that when I was sitting there I just sent somebody else to 15 years wow and Harry I'm sitting here thinking oh my gosh what is what's gonna I'm sitting there pleading to God while I was Shackled up in a room probably about this size before I go into the courtroom and then and just also something about time served and then I continued my Journey with Team continued my Journey with Teen Challenge and then I was still I hadn't met Amanda yet yeah and I was just praying for God what's the next step in my life yeah I need to know you've you've gotten me through this I know you're not gonna leave me hanging now yeah so but at that point I was pretty much forced to rely on him yeah what's my next step in life yeah it's interesting to see how all that ties together because like TC the jail sentence the the probation the restitution and then now it's like okay now I'm I'm starting to rebuild my life right you're starting to rebuild your life trying to figure out okay how do I be faithful in the ministry because you had a desire to serve in the ministry but then also by the way I've got to earn money over here because the Court's gonna want their money and then in the middle of all that this life-changing accident happens and now you're faced with a whole nother set of challenges to test the faith and like that's a lot back to back and then you lived it but you said but like that's a lot for somebody especially fresh in their recovery to be tested with all that back to back and so you guys go home after the accident you're going on this journey recovery and come out on the other side of that and so fifty six thousand dollars in restitution how did you because that's not that's gone it's gone now right yes so how did the Lord work all that out for you in regards to providing when you're trusting him well we we had a I guess a settlement with that and and that was able to to help pave the way for that how did that feel to go into the office and write a check it felt great and what the first thing that came to my mind was you gotta tithe it what no yeah because I'm thinking like man is it income from work or is it income from this right and now you got it tied it yeah and writing I don't know if you want to add this out writing a fourteen thousand dollar check yeah to a church yeah wow but big deal it is what it is yeah so there's what 60 going yeah but you walk through this journey though and you're talking about like even going back to what I mentioned with the sermon I preached on Sunday about Elijah like I'm gonna feed you by a raven like okay thanks God like this is like I got I don't I read the Bible like that because I like I try to put those pieces together like what is this going to look like and then Elijah is there God's sending the Raven the provisions there the Brook's getting ready to dry up because Elijah had just prophesied a drought and then God's like okay now go to this next town and go talk to a widow like she's broke like she's they're in a drought she probably don't have food she probably don't have good water but God is like Elijah take the next step and show me your faithful obedience your ability to depend on me excuse me to be your sorcupervision and it's almost like I hear you like saying that it's like okay God here's the next step right I yeah I don't know how I'm going to reconcile paying off my fines and getting restitution and I know you called me to go serve in this ministry for this season so I'm just going to take the next step yeah and then during that season it's like oh crap I just got head home collision by a car entire life has changed overnight but yet okay God I know in this moment my freedom I need to stay faithful to this I'm just going to be obedient and you meet your wife and then the Lord blesses that faithfulness because I know the settlement didn't happen for like what a year or so at least yeah so you had plenty of time too to I'm gonna say prove not that God is looking for you to prove it but almost show that you weren't going to be dependent on these pills like you broke off of those and moved on right yeah and so it's just the faithfulness dude it's so awesome yeah and I just give all the glory to God on that because when he when that money came in you can immediately like oh my gosh yeah oh my gosh but guys like hold on back up skirt back up it's not yours yeah first you need to give me mine at the course then I had to pay the fines and then what more yet when I was in my pretty deep in my drug addiction I worked at a bowling alley and he hired me because he knew my dad and he I think he knew I was a rough situation he thought maybe hiring me would help set me but I was still in it and I was stealing at this point stealing from him from the business and then the last thing you need to go and you need to pay back what you what you took wow sorry I'm like in my room and that was hard I've never heard this before oh no this is the first time I've never really I think I never told Amanda yeah that was hard so I'm thinking like man God said well it's not yours and you not only stole from him to her from the business store from the family because at that point he had two kids probably around Addison days maybe now and then he said well you need to make that right yeah so I'm thinking like oh Lord because he fired me around the spot have fun with the two thousand dollars you stole from me he never called the police on you or anything no so how was his reaction when you went and made it right oh yeah so say this out so I call him on the phone right hey this is so and so I want to come talk to okay I was nervous my hands were claiming so I went to the bank and pulled the money out and hear a ham I wanted to explain my story to him first before coming to it here because he didn't put this point he probably didn't know that I that was the Teen Challenge well somebody else who knows so before I did that I wanted to explain my story so he's not so reluctant on taking the money because I feel that he needed to have this money yeah either him or somebody's taking it because I got to give it back to you God just saying it out of your hands yeah pretty much and he would just he was at all on what changed me and that I actually came back wow and gave it back to him yeah because I explained I said not only not stole it from you or the business but I stole from your whole family and that is almost like a release yeah wow and then during that transition I was serving in the as a youth for the church I was going to at that time that I wrote the big church oh yeah sure you can do whatever I hadn't said that they didn't say that but I was serving there and then still talking with Amanda having that long-distance relationship figuring out still what to do in life do I am I knew I believe I was supposed to marry Amanda but how is this going to work with am I going to live back in my hometown or am I going to live down here yeah so I was contemplating I don't know what to do and then one night I was driving around and we were pretty serious at this point I think we were engaged and then God I don't know what to do here it was again still rebuild my life and God I need no matter I don't think no amount of money in the world if you're a Christ follower you can't depend on the money yeah because you can't buy everything right I think like God I don't know what to do now yeah so I was driving around the private Community that I worked in and then I was like man I just need to sign now God you're gonna have to give me something yeah what do I stay down here and start my family down here or do I come up here to the Shenandoah Valley and then the youth night it happened to where somebody was able to step in that role and I almost gave me confirmation said hey I think now this is the time to leave yeah man I was thinking like as you were talking about going back and like making restitution right and that being a part of your journey and the Lord very clearly speaking to you and saying like give this money away like it's not yours and I think there's so much there but I think that a lot of times we come to the cross and lie our sins before God are wiped away as far as the East is from the west and that's amazing but a lot of times I think people mess the part that just because God's forgiven us doesn't mean we've made everything right with the people that we hurt and I think sometimes we gloss over that and to be able to not only like walk this Faith Journey but then be in a position that like you probably could have just whatever it's been so long he probably doesn't care anymore and he might have moved on but the testimony to come forth not only of the power of Jesus working in your life but then the Integrity piece to go back like what an amazing story what an amazing testimony for the kingdom of God because a lot of times we well it's all about Jesus all about his will but then we don't think about the people that we've wronged and like fixing that like that's the best sermon we could ever preach what I'm saying and then like I don't know I would think that it probably changed that guy's life at least something about his life then one of the money is inconsequential but the ACT yeah and I don't know how I don't know if he's a Christian I don't know much about him at all but that act probably told him everything he needs to know about Jesus yeah I believe I've heard of just probably just as well as you did hurt a lot of people a lot of that relationships but some of the times I thought look back because I struggled with that even my dad said I because what I did to him what I'm saying how it happened how it transpired how it went down he merely fired me he said don't you ever show your face up here again of course then I of course I got scared at that point because I was paranoid and all that and they're like I don't know if you should maybe I think they may be wrong but I think they mentioned about maybe some mailing something to them but I'm like I got to do this face to face yeah I was scared I was nervous I didn't know how I was all gonna I don't know if you're gonna say I don't want to see your face here ever again leave I know how all that was going to transpire but I know I had to make that one right even though I messed up relation toxic relationships I believe that it probably wasn't best for me to even try to even go back and restore those because it was a toxic anyway it was toxic anyway yeah it's that word from the Lord though right it's like I gotta leave the brook right and it's it's maybe not exactly the same but yeah but look I gotta go like the Lord is telling me to move from this place where I am to this place over here and I don't know what's going to happen on the other end yeah I don't know the reaction I have no clue that the Widow's gonna have these endless jars of oil that just show up on the other side of it but all I know is I have to take the journey to the next spot I gotta do it yeah and it's that obedience right and that man that is such a it's such a vital part of the faith that people Miss like when the Lord speaks we don't get to negotiate I try I just didn't work like I don't know I've been having this conversation with my kids this week that like delayed obedience is really disobedience and and at times like and I think there are times God gives us Grace on all of that but for us like I said man I want to be able to be in that position like you're talking about like something as would seem as trivial as two thousand dollars that has been moved on it's probably been forgotten about and moved on then be faithful enough with my testimony not before people but before God like well I haven't told anybody about the sons in my family and Amanda you didn't do it for attention it was obedience to the Lord very clearly and like again now that testimony is going to go out we never plan right yes yeah but what man it's it's been so long and it's it's not a thing where you're you're you're giving to get the attention before man but now it 10 years how many ever years removed it's a testimony of the Lord's faithfulness and I think those stories Inspire other people to have a little bit of Courage to make those bold moves of obedience and that's a big thing so you're married now kids and all that so house parenting right on the other side of all this man I thought of Allowing God but now with the parenting it's it's a blessing I'm not gonna lie it's I love it I love my kids I love my wife's the best thing that probably ever happened to me yeah besides my salvation the parenting it's it's it's hard and challenging at times but I wouldn't trade it for the world yeah and just the just trying to parent the way God wants me to do yeah and also hoping we don't mess him up yeah yes my daughter is just like me yeah looks like her mom thank God but just like me so we we're at a stage now where it's just I can't shut up when it's time to say hey when you do this she says something out far back yeah but out of all the flaws I want her to see that just because of my father I'm not perfect right and I'd like for her to see my flaws yeah because the moment she messes up she's she's she's it's it's good to feel that natural guilt it's conviction right good for the yeah that natural conviction yeah and knowing her dad is not even though she has no clue what my testimony is at this point yeah because he's too young yeah for sure but it's good that her deceit my imperfections as well because I'm by far perfect yeah I try to be a great dad but I'm far from being perfect yeah that came up on my Facebook page the other day I shared a post about Chloe had a homeschool project about the family tree and wanting to ask about the past and all that and like at Chloe's 13 different contacts I'm not giving this answer to a five-year-old for those who are watching but Chloe's like what did you do after high school I did math and Ashley just gives me this look and she knows like my girls haven't like they haven't been shielded from this they've been at every Teen Challenge choir service for for their lifetime and that includes some of the choir Services where you've got the save not Sanctified student sharing and language hasn't quite caught up to their belief in the Bible and all that and so like people say things from the stage that as the leader you like climbing under the chairs so they've been in some of those services but like if somebody commented and it was a great comment that she said in the comments she said well you don't hide it from them I feel like we should it would be better for our kids to learn this from us than from the world and I'm like well of course my kids have known about it I was just more feeling awkward like I'm glad this paper doesn't have to go to a teacher like we're homeschoolers and so but where do you stand on that like would you plan on sharing parts of your testimony all of your testimonies she I don't know I can't remember how Addison but Addison knew I went to jail okay now I can't remember how that transpired how that even got to her but she's asked me numerous times dad can you tell me why you went to jail I said not right now what I'm saying when you get older 12 out or when I'm eight no when you're a little older 12 13 when you're a teenager when you can understand but I just told this Daddy this is bad decisions he made some mistakes yeah and you just had to live with it and I told her like I'd tell her like sometimes we have to live with the consequences of our actions whether we like them or not and we try to do that with life with her now yeah when she does something now and it's hard for her to face the consequences like no tablet for 24 hours or something like that and we try to tell her that hey we're protecting you now because if Daddy acts like this at work he's not gonna get a tablet technically he's probably going to get five lose his job what I'm saying so it's it's worse when you're an adult yeah so we try to shelter you from that or actually make you learn by the consequences based on your actions as a child yeah of course you don't do the same consequences as an adult for a truck what I'm saying if that makes any sense it does yeah so we try to do that open your kid up but yeah and Amanda does a whole lot better than I do I'm I'm struggling that aspect I'm struggling yeah discipline yeah it's hard it's not my forte disciplining kids is like trying to figure that process so it's not just corrective action but there's like growth it's like we want to not just correct the behavior but help them grow through it too and that and it's difficult man because like we've got four kids in the house three one of them is only one she's she's not being disciplined right she's not being corrected but like the other three all of them respond differently too I even noticed since we were dealing with an issue the other night one of my girls she gets gangster just doesn't care he just slouches down in the chair when you're correcting her and all that and it's just like shuts down it's not even a shutdown it's just like okay I'm done with this now you're almost like a okay now what that type of that behavior the other one is very emotional and it's like the entire world is being stripped away from her because she's being corrected and they're like those are two extremes and like trying to figure out how to correct both but meet them where they're at and where their emotions are and how they process things is interesting and I'm learning too I'm with you man like my wife is a godsend on all that like because yeah she's got the patience with the children and I'm I'm a pretty patient guy as well but like I don't know I just yeah I don't know this I keep she said that I said something right what I'm saying we're back and forth yeah and when she does something and then Levi sees that and then of course she gets corrected but Levi's two right so she gets the consequence well why doesn't Levi get this why does he do it yeah because he's he doesn't understand yet we're starting a little bit and that reminds me of when I was like as you're growing up as a immature Christian what I'm saying the it's a whole lot different when when you do something that God corrects based on when more and what you should or shouldn't be doing you have more knowledge of it yeah and you still do it anyway yeah it like the consequences a little more rougher yeah what I'm saying sure when you could be doing it when you first out of Bible College I'm saying and then as immature it just it's a whole lot different yeah that's why I try to explain to her and then of course I just keep talking it just doesn't work out she Tunes it out and just just yeah that discipline stuff man is challenging I had I told Ashley quoted me my sermon the other day while we were corrected and I was like I'm like I appreciate that but like no like please not in the living room they're never going to want to listen to me preach again no but it's it's good man because we our church we do it the teenagers are in the sanctuary we don't have youth on Sunday mornings and I'm pretty down I try to be pretty down to earth I tell a lot of stories try to be relatable so teens can sit in there and so the girls hear it anyways and that connection piece and they're at that age now where they're a little bit older like I gave them on I gave them assignments to go to the Bible the other night and look up some scriptures on work ethic and on servant leadership and being a good servant and taking initiative and all that stuff and I said go give me four scriptures on work ethic and I asked for it because I should have been a little more clear three out of the four scriptures had the word slave in it when they brought it back to me and I'm like okay great I'm like now tell me why you picked that other than the word slave because you are our children and so that was pretty funny man no man well I John I think we'll probably yeah we'll probably wrap up I can cut the little bit out but man I appreciate you just getting together and just sharing we talked beforehand didn't really know what direction the conversation was going to go and I really enjoyed the piece like even learning something new about you like tonight like it's pretty amazing dude and like I hope those who are listening just engage with the testimony of faithfulness that you see here like it's one thing to talk about obedience to the Lord but light and not to say that John didn't even he admitted that he struggled with it at times like it's it's a process of learning that obedience but I think the more we learn to just be obedient to the Lord in the small things the Bible says faithful and little faithful and much we begin to see his provision show up at every turn and like John's testimony man even not even just the drugs that was a miracle in and of itself but then everything that happened afterwards you're just seeing a lifetime of faithfulness and man I'm I'm grateful to call your friend and I'm honored to see what the Lord has done in your life it's just like your testimony before people and before the Lord is phenomenal man and so I appreciate you and well done like continuing to run the course man and stay faithful before the Lord it's an awesome day and if you're in the Stanton area John is youth pastor over at Calvary Assembly of God on Spring Hill Road so I know I've got people that watch from all over the country but if you happen to be in the local area and go check the church out they meet on the weekends 10 30. 10 30 on Sunday so hey thank you guys for tuning in John thank you again for being here thank you thanks so much for taking the time to check out this clip if you enjoyed this you can catch another clip here or you can click here for the full episode have a great day