What It's Like to Walk Through Celebrate Recovery

pretty good dude I think so yeah Rob do you want to go ahead and introduce Joel your friend and then yeah we'll jump into the rest of it yeah what's going on guys I hope you guys are having a wonderful day have a happy Fourth of July I'm privileged and honored to introduce to you guys the gentleman I'm a father of several children without follower of Christ individual that has changed lives through a program called celebrate recovery so he and I went through Team recovery so he and I went through Teen Challenge together and he just has a crazy testimony a crazy story but he was a pivotal like individual in my faith that helped Carry Me Through the program I'm not only did he teach me practical skills outside whether it was drywall whether it was painting he's just a jack of all trades if you needed something you could go to him and so I hope that you guys have your ears tuned to hear what he has to say and what value he can bring to your lives and just give you some context of the importance of community and that's why we brought him on here is because he's part of a community and that's what sustained his faith and so welcome my brother in Christ Joel thank you sir good to be here don't don't blow me up like that people are gonna have to hear something awesome but yeah so let's dive into the discussion about Community man so we all went through TC right and I think most people that I've heard that have had a great experience in a program like Teen Challenge get out of the program and on talk about the value of the relationships that were built in a place like Teen Challenge it's hard to replicate that you spend 12 months with people in some of your worst moments it's it's the brothers in the program I ran a program for years and I know that the students had greater impact on one another than I ever had in their lives and it's just the reality of living next to people you're rubbing elbows with them they help walk you through your deepest moments your struggles the days that you pack your stuff I don't know about y'all but I packed my stuff three or four times and it wasn't the staff that kept me there it was the brothers right but yet getting out of TC life hits you in the face and if you're anybody like me like it was hard to replicate that Community right that community that kept me sober that kept me off of math and all of the stuff that I was struggling with all of a sudden disappears overnight and now I've got to figure it out I'd love to hear either of you guys Joel you're here as our guest what were your some of your struggles did you have any struggles coming out of the program I know you said you're in Celebrate Recovery now right but how was that Journey for you trying to replicate that community it was like culture shock if you will I get out I'm going to Chapel every morning every night I got brothers that pray with me like at the drop of a hat and then you just get out and then you're hopefully if you're amongst family but so for instance my household that I moved in with my mom straight out of TC I had I lost my house I lost everything before I went to TC she was going into the program alcohol and crack okay yeah get me drinking and I'll do anything yeah but that boldness yeah and so my mom she was it was I wasn't raised in church put it that way I was so God was new and it was almost like I had to give her the exposure to the real gospel not the one that you get when you do the Sunday of Easter and Christmas thing so my biggest struggle was it was just that all of my brothers were mainly still in the program I had one Brett Cooper he was he had graduated but he was always busy helping the guys out at Teen Challenge and I didn't didn't have any of that so I was pretty much alone and isolated for a good little minute when I jumped out one of the conditions for me to live at my mom's house was to go to celebrate recovery and I was like yeah cool man I'm gonna go I'll do it maintain my recovery quote unquote maintain my recovery and man I tell you what man gosh God showed me so many things that I needed to work on it was drugs and alcohol were not my problem it was only a symptom of a symptom of my problem so I started that Journey can you speak to that a little bit more so you said drugs and alcohol weren't your problem like yeah so what were some of the root issues that drove you to use during your struggles well I started using real early on I'd say every day use started about 14 before that it was just experimentation but when you start smoking weed every day drinking every weekend and stuff like that I didn't learn coping skills that a lot of people get to learn if they don't start using until maybe they're say 18 or 20. so emotionally I was emotionally handicapped because getting high and drinking was my cure-all if I was happy I got high if I was sad I got high if I was angry I got high and so that's that was my big problem is I didn't know how to First identify what I'm feeling because a lot of the times sadness would create anger because I don't want to feel sad I don't want to feel hurt so I didn't even know what I was really feeling all I knew was I was angry and I was either gonna hurt someone or I was going to self-medicate right so biggest part of me communication understanding what I'm feeling and then expressing what I'm feeling I had no clue how to do that in a healthy way yeah that's good and it go ahead Rob yeah it's it's interesting that you say this right because even for me when things would surface itself it's like that you remember the games and like Chuck E cheese or it's like the mole game where the little moles would pop up and you had to hit them on the head well that's like you're like no don't like don't surface itself and show issues coming out of Teen Challenge would begin to surface itself and I've said this on the podcast before but the busyness of life will happen cause you to ignore the problems that you have deep within that's right and it's when God's removed you from something that he reveals truth it's like I have to bring you through the valley in order for my light to shine on your Darkness right but the thing is right like when you think about this Community start with whom not with the people around us but with God because before God birth forth the heavens and the Earth he was already in commune with the Triune God the Father Son and the Holy Spirit he's communication by himself right so there was already Unity there and so what he's teaching us as he birthed us and brought us forth is that Community derives from him and everything else follows and so through our fall and our fallen nature and the things in which we've gone through God's like look I have to bring you back into relation Covenant relationship with me so that you can learn how to live again and replicate that here on Earth that's why his prayer when he taught his disciples Let Your Kingdom Come On Earth as it is in heaven and so what we're doing is re-learning re-learning re-learning everything all over again and so it's really awesome bro that you bring this up because coming out of Teen Challenge and learning how to address that mole if you will right like that dark area of your life stemming from an early age right 14 it's like when you look back at it what happened at 14 what happened what's the Lord revealed to you throughout this whole process to drive you to a place of community Through Celebrate Recovery well first of all I'm gonna reflect who I surround myself with so if I surround myself with Godly men I can be have a good chance of reflecting a Godly Man if I surround myself with people who are just going through the motions then I'll just be going through the motions if I surround myself with people who live in the street life I'm gonna eventually go back to the street life so it was I would say recovery can be a very lonely Journey sometimes especially in the beginning and all you have is God sometimes when I got out of TC man that's all I had I would sit at the table I was like I know one thing is fact seek first the kingdom of God and all will be added to me Lord show me as long as I stay connected to you I know it's going to be okay it's definitely not going to be easy it's definitely not going to be smooth sailing but I know if my eyes are on you and not my problems that you have the control because what we focus on has power on our life we focus on God he's got the power we focus on a problem the problem has the power yeah it's so good that's good it's good yeah it's crazy you think about starting so young 14 and that was about the age that I got going with drugs and like I never built good friendships and so like I went to TC in New York which is like four states away from home and so all those friends I left behind it was a text message maybe but it wasn't people that I could go spend time with and so I think there was a you mentioned recovery can be a lonely place it's that reality check that I've got to be okay with being alone for a little bit because my alternative is let's go engage in these old relationships and I used to call it the Superman syndrome everybody comes out of TC thinking they're going to save everybody that they used to hang out with and while that may be true eventually it's probably not true right now and there's nothing more important in the moment of guarding that guarding who I led in my life because you hit it at on WE reflect who we become how did Joel be just curious how did some of those relationships he said during your time at Celebrate Recovery in that Community you started to realize some of the root issues so how did the community speak to that and help you uncover some of that what did that look like so doing the 12 Steps so I'm if anyone doesn't know Celebrate Recovery is a christ-centered recovery program and they actually have a set curriculum there are four books that you go through and the it's about trust God clean house help others so first you establish the foundation in your view and perspective of who God is and who he is in your life then we get into the harder part which is looking at all the things that I've done to other people and the things that other people have done to me and then learning how to authentically forgive yourself other people and like just shed the snakeskin of all the old resentments because in addiction we Gather a lot of baggage and we're carrying around some heavy stones and just because we've given our hearts at God doesn't mean we're absolved from all the baggage that we've created through our behavior and actions wait say that again bro say that again dude just because we give our heart to God does not mean we're absolved from all of the baggage that we carried and developed through our addiction so you so there's it's funny that you're bringing this up because you didn't even see our podcasts last week but last week we talked about forgiveness and this was pretty weighty but you said authentically so can you dive deep on that a little bit if you don't mind absolutely one second so I'll I'll give you the one that had the biggest impact on me Okay so when I first felt the presence of God and I knew that I was forgiven at Teen Challenge I fell to my knees and I cried I cried and I can count on my hands how many times in my whole life I've cried probably on one hand before that day and so I knew that I was forgiven I read scripture it tells me that you're forgiven right but so I drove past so I moved right back into my old stomping grounds where I did all my dirt and I drove past this neighborhood with a house that specific memories were plaguing to me they even to this day they it's it hits my soul put it that way the things that I did and it's just so I would drive and I used to drive by there almost every day on the way to work and every time I drive by I'm like Lord forgive me I'm so sorry Lord I'm sorry and that sometimes it's twice a day I pass it on away to church every single weekend I pass it to going to CR every single week and so in Celebrate Recovery I had already done one round of the 12 steps and I go and I think I'm on my maybe my third year doing the 12 Steps because I became a co-facilitator at that time and I was driving home after the lesson on forgiveness and I was like God please forgive me I'm so sorry and God he just hit me like a ton of bricks he goes Joel he goes you are forgiven he goes you need to forgive yourself you are not that man anymore instead of saying I'm sorry say thank you wow and so it was all about gratitude that he that the new creation that he created within me the old was gone from the new I'm living the new right now but I'm still stuck in the old in my mind and that's that's where I was fighting it was in my mind so the things that grieve my soul the things that I did I can't change I can never change I'll probably never see those people again in my life but it doesn't stop the fact of how much it still impacts me since God even when I was running around in addiction I still felt bad about it but when God after God changed my heart it was it Grieves my soul to even think about it and so that day instead of saying God forgive me I just say thank you Jesus yeah and how did that play out like that struggle with forgiving yourself did it impact your relationships with other people at all what that did is gave me I would say a deeper understanding of Grace so in order for me to give Grace to somebody else I have to even if okay say for instance you get into an argument with a friend or your wife right and they say something that's that like totally just hurts you breaks your heart so a lot of the times God through those words that they say some key words he can God will reveal where that person is at so I realized my revelation of Grace was that in order for me to give the same Grace that I receive I have to first accept where somebody is at then I can once I accept where they're at I can respect where they're at and then once I respect where they're at I can meet them where they're at just like God needs me where I'm at wow man that's good so profound right there yeah and it's hard to do that right when we haven't received the grace ourselves fully when we're living in that spot where we're still apologizing instead of saying thank you that is such a powerful Revelation that piece right there about shifting from this like dude stop apologizing give me thing like that's that's good that's a tweetable by the way that's one of those quotes we're going to turn that one into a real so right well the thing is man I think the heart especially for people that are struggling in addiction is many of us struggle with receiving and so we have this posture of and this was me and I maybe I'll just speak for me and if you guys can agree great but I had this posture and this idea in my mind that I had to do everything on my own I'm alone right like you like even if you offered me something my pride would wouldn't receive it because it's like what do you mean you're reaching out you're giving me something like nobody hands you anything out for free until like it was bizarre to me to come into Teen Challenge meet this father this heavenly father and encounter Christ in a way that I did and him love me despite my shortcomings and my failures it's like wait hold your why are you giving me this free gift of Grace like I don't what like why is this being poured out on me this way and so like it's a love that cannot be described and I think often at times as we equate God's love with the way that man loves us and if we do such we're unable to receive what God has in store for us it's because we're constantly putting this measure on God that doesn't even compare to who he truly is right and so like it's it's just yeah man this is good stuff this is really good yeah it's just a posture of receiving how do we get into that posture of receiving but like like I said first it's like it has to start with him before we could ever receive it from others so Joel as you began to understand that you were forgiven and you stopped acting asking for this forgiveness how did that Branch out into creating a stronger Community for you and the people that Celebrate Recovery like how did that shift your perspective well it so if you were to ask me before that day if I'd forgiven myself I would have told you yes and I honestly believed I had forgiven myself but my speech proved otherwise contradicted what I would say hey have you finally forgiven yourself yeah I'm a forgiving child of the king of course I've forgiven myself but then when I think of The Wretched Man that I was and I say God I'm sorry forgive me because it's contradicting and so I just shared it we got into group and I just say hey guys look last week was a lesson on forgiveness and let me just tell you the Revelation that I had and so my transparency and my willingness to be vulnerable allows other people to dive deep and say hey what me too man what like I struggle with this I had people like hey I've been molested and I feel horrible about that or I did this and I feel horrible about that and so people who weren't even there for drugs they weren't even there for drugs and so the there it was it's a ripple effect the Lord the God of All Comfort who comforts us allows us to give that same Comfort just by speaking that one word making ourselves vulnerable putting our pride down and saying hey what this happened to me and it just it ignites it's a fire it's so much harder to do that like I say real world versus Teen Challenge because right like we all show up at a rehab program at our lowest point what I'm saying so it's pretty easy to be vulnerable there like everybody already knows that you've blown your life like so what am I gonna hide here I'm I'm in rehab I used to travel again all the time like all my best efforts landed me in Teen Challenge like that was my best my absolute best manipulation and best efforts to try to get my life together got me in rehab way to go Justin like here I am but like we hit that we where there's a vulnerability there because of that but then sometimes like we don't experience that same vulnerability and so Joe it sounds like you found that at celebrate at CR you found people who were willing to just be raw and honest and let me ask you a question and I know you can't speak for the entire church at all but just people in general just being who we are like what do you think the barriers are for people to be in like vulnerable like stigma weakness Pride denial I'd say well that well pride is fear-based so let me just go back to say fear Pride denial yeah so either one they don't want people to know that they're not perfect or know they have an issue right they don't want to be discovered if you will what they don't want to seem weak pride is a beast for men for us it is hard yeah and the stigma that is attached to it so right now here in Lake Placid there was no recovery here and when I moved up here it would just put on I've been running from CR because the last time me and my wife both gave our testimony at CR we were put under Fire like the song another in the fire yeah that was like my Anthem it should have played when I walked and we were just going through it man I was like yeah forget it man just not gonna do it I was scared of the devil man I was I didn't want any more attacks on my family I was like yep I'm gonna put that on the back burner thank you Jesus I'm gonna just keep going to church and what and it was for me it was fear but so we come to these churches here in this little small town and we stand outside with a CR table trying to advertise and no one's like I don't have a problem and we're like it's not just drugs and alcohol what this is anything that you need to surrender to God this is remember the little books that were like dummies computers for dummies and stuff like that yeah little yellow books computers for dummies well Celebrate Recovery is surrender for dummies okay this is It's outlined in a curriculum they answer they ask all the questions all you have to do is answer honestly and you can find out and that's where I found out that my issues weren't drinking and using drugs that was solely a symptom it was my coping mechanism it was my Escape it's what was my cure-all for life my some of my biggest issues were communication identifying my feelings and then community and then articulating those feelings like that I would say those are the biggest ones confrontation with women I had a real strong Southern mom and her opinion is always right you're never going to win that argument so at an early age I just would back down from confrontation with the woman if you were a guy I'm gonna bow up and I'm gonna I wanna fight what but with a woman and I carried that into my marriage and so it would cause me to go from zero to a hundred at the snap of a finger because I wouldn't say anything for so long I'd stuff all my feelings down I didn't know how to express those feelings and then went finally one little thing and I pop off and I'll get angry what so like that was like I discovered that was a trigger me bottling my emotions not knowing how to express what I'm feeling it was a trigger for anger and so a lot of times when I became frustrated and I'd lash out a lot of times it's something real funny like hey can you get me this oh what I gotta do everything around here you flip out what and that's because for the past month I've been stuffing everything that's been bothering me away because of my fear of confrontation with a woman that literally stemmed from my childhood with my mom I found that what I'm saying so like I carry that bag of rocks all the way and I was probably maybe four or five years deep in CR until I figure that out wow yeah and so the onion continues to peel the more we do it the more we press in the more we allow God to sanctify us and we embrace the uncomfortable process of sanctification the more we can reflect Christ to the world but especially to the ones in our home yeah so that's so good that's really good cheap I want to toss this comment up real quick Cheapo said the biggest barrier to P is people because of misinformation and not knowing what to do or how to help it makes us afraid to be open real and vulnerable to help us Lord and then she said we all react or get triggered based on past experiences which color how we react and respond in the present but God that's really good and yeah it is those past experiences we talked about the community and all of that and how that Community aspect was part of pulling that out of like other people and I think that's part of like sometimes you hear the mindset it's just my relationship with God is personal it's just me and the Lord I'm just going to do this I'm going to go to the Lord consistently and we don't ever get other people around us and so we don't benefit from that sharpening some of these principles that you're uncovering now four to five years after being in a place like Celebrate Recovery some of the stuff that is driven by the people in your life and that ability just to be vulnerable and say this is what I'm going through and this is what I'm struggling with and I need my brothers or my sisters in Christ to encourage me through that the cool thing is man is because the scriptures say that the just shall live by faith so there was a leap of faith that you took that we've taken and that you have to take in order to get to that place right because one on the same hand you can't just share your information with any and everybody right like but two I think it's like twofold like you can in the sense if you understand who you are because you're exposing that darkness and so like people can't hold that against you but when things are kept secret it's like people expose that and then it gets out and it becomes gossip and things like that oh and so yeah you want to say something on that yeah well you're talking about my writings the things that I write my brother so I wrote something quick and simple for celebrate recovery for that one second man Justin he froze yeah okay he's not moving cool so I just keep speaking bro hold on well do I have does it have to be on the screen and okay I'm gonna go to my notes because I'll I'll probably talk a lot longer if I don't go to my notes this should just be brief real quick all right Secrets live in darkness and when I try to live in the light I will never have any peace if there's Darkness people are only as sick as their secrets and I can't live at peace when there are secrets and darkness in my life everybody is broken and has their defects of character but one thing I always have control over is the darkness that I allow in my life Secrets create bondage but the truth will set you free let's go yeah that's really good yeah man because it's it's it's important and I think I wear mine as a badge of honor I have learned to carry my past as a badge of honor because one I survived two I'm not living in addiction and three I know the identity that I have in Christ that's it you said it there and I think this is what's pivotal for people to rise above with everything that's holding them in bondage is their identity this has been something that has crippled the church but even society today right we are dealing with people that don't know if they're male or female we're dealing with people that are trying to identify as a them a giraffe I don't care what it is but there's it's no but it's it's funny but it's sad at the same time it is because what the thing is that addiction and this is what addiction did for me I began to identify as an addict but I never was and so this was my problem with n a and a it's like hi I'm Rob I'm an alcoholic or hi I'm Rob I'm an addict it's like no because just as if we speak things and they have power life and death is in the power of the tongue then if you begin to identify with that you'll stay stuck in a past that God has pulled you out of already and this is why the children of Israel kept going in circles is because they didn't understand what God had pulled them out of yeah and where he was bringing them but if you understand where God is taking you then you can shorten that process and that's our hope for this podcast is really to shorten the process and to give the wisdom that we've received over the years through our labor and our journey and our faith and our addiction to give hope to the Hopeless and to get them to understand the importance of forgiveness Community etc yeah I heard somebody say the other day I was listening I listened to a ton of podcasts and so I can't quote the guy because I don't remember which guy said it because I listen to so many of them but I heard somebody say we've got to break the mindset as men and as people that the only way to learn is by experience that is such a dangerous mindset when you're learning by experience with addiction it can kill you it can be it can take your life like we don't learn by experience we learn by faith I would prefer that my kids have the faith in me to never put their hand on the stove like that they just trust that when Dad says don't put your hand on the stove because it's going to burn you that they just don't do it because they have faith in me as their father to give them good direction and I think it's the same thing with our relationships right we connect with people who we can be vulnerable with trustworthy people and then from that place we learn by faith we learn from their experiences if they've been through it and we're able to again like you said earlier Rob find that shortcut and get to enter healing faster the work's still going to be hard it's still going to be difficult it's it's not easy drumming up the past it's been 17 years for me still I'm still uncovering crap from when I was a teenager and doing all the stuff that I did on yeah a lot of times because I neglected it like I got out of rehab and recovery and I went right to work in the ministry like my life was drugs for five years and then my entire adult life has been helping other people and for me personally my issue was that I used serving others as a tool to cover up all the stuff that I was dealing with on the inside wow and so it's really good stuff Cheapo said knowing my identity is healing and then on Tiffany over here said your testimony is vital in shutting down the lies of the enemy amen absolutely man amen yeah and the thing is like you said what did John the Baptist say Behold the Lamb of God behold and you said this Joel you said whom we associate with is whom we become so we Behold the Lamb of God we are focused on the Lamb of God and we become like the Lamb of God and so in other words we need to as people begin to identify where the broken and the lost are and bring them in and so once you cross the side it's not like oh I've gotten the victory is when you bring others out of the same mess that you were just in and show them the way because it's it's like when you were a kid and you used to play in the yards and in the fields and you remember like doing the shortcuts to neighborhoods and stuff like that but somebody older than you paved it and made that way before you ever did or maybe you were the one that created that pathway and so rather than you having to go through the labor and the work somebody has already done it for you and that's what Christ is Christ has paved the way for our success are we willing to follow and take to take his lead right and so it's it's calling this out of one place and the next level is what you're doing right now Joe and if you can speak on this a little bit but the community that you've established through Celebrate Recovery I think you mentioned to me Offline that you have two now that you're running is that correct I've been part of the team to start to this town had they had AAA meetings and some n a meetings but nothing christ-centered and it's a heck of a story it's a guy from Fort Lauderdale that was up here an older guy and yeah I've been a part of the team we started one it's been up and running for about a year now and now we're just finishing the training process and we'll be opening August 16th a second one I had a church just down the street but the whole goal is to get one every day of the week it's a matter what day of the week it is that someone has free that they can always go and they can get some worship and they can mingle with some like-minded individuals or just find help for anyone who's sick and suffering I like CR because I've been walking with the Lord and sober for 10 years praise God 10 years and but for me it never gets old because whether I'm talking to someone who's who's been in the program as long as me or longer or someone who just walked in off the street I'm gonna pretty much I get to talk about Jesus man I can to talk about the good things that he's done in my life and it's it's all about staying connected you got to stay connected and as long as when we share our testimony it promotes gratitude in our life we're thankful we're we're we get to share a lesson that we have learned with somebody else and then that also reiterates that lesson in our life so so whether you're soaking it in from some someone else or you're sharing something with somebody it's a win-win every time in this in this community and we Face a lot of the stigma problems but I just I wear it as a badge of honor God deliver me he's like hey when you say stigma are you seeing that from church people like and trying to start the story okay can you speak for me a little bit like I'm a local church pastor and I'm a former addict so I don't I'm comfortable hanging around with people like that were like me but not everybody feels that way so like what is some of that can you speak to that a little bit more a lot of it is just people saying well I don't have a problem I don't have any issues when the truth is if anybody strives to be a better father a better husband or just a better man or woman what the whole the process the sanctification all right so when we meet Christ are we done no there's a long journey ahead and so through the rest of our life we're in the Pro as long as we're connected to the Lord and we'll go through seasons of complacency we're on fire where we're cold and it'll fluctuate but our sanctification process never ends we never stop the growth the learning and ultimately striving to be a better reflection of Christ right we're trying to leave the bad Character defects and trying to gain the positive attributes in our life and be consistent with it like for like I teach my kids I teach them one word integrity and so Integrity is so hard to just get and just everything that's composed in Integrity is so hard to just describe in a sentence there's so many different aspects and so I think so many people at the churches have this idea that well they're on drugs they have a problem I don't have a problem and so we just try and convey the message that hey look this is for any alert life Hurts Habits and Hang-Ups what it's not just a simple fact to have camaraderie with individuals who are not afraid to come and say hey what I am broken I don't have it all together I need help here what yeah so just trying to get people to confess that because the church is supposed to be a hospital for the center right it's a hospital for the sick but if everyone who comes to church only said it tells everyone around them that they've got it all together how is anybody ever going to grow and learn from each other yeah that's good that's that's really good so let me ask you for then the individual that may jump on this show Joel that's fresh out of a recovery program fresh out of rehab and getting ready to start that long path that you did 10 years ago right you said about a decade ago like speaking to speak into their life for a second right like what should they do right now like if they're fresh connected okay get connected and if you can't find it keep looking that is the biggest most important thing get connected find a recovery meeting find a church that like my church they actually were actually known oh a bunch of addicts go there a bunch of people who are messed up and it's like well duh that's why I need Jesus yeah and so is there a website that that has like that Celebrate Recovery has that you can like put in an address and it will yeah there's there's a meeting locator Celebrate Recovery meeting locator it's on celebratingrecovery.com celebratingrecovery.com celebratingrecovery.com nice yep so we'll drop a link for those that are listening that way you guys can search up Celebrate Recovery in your city right for anyone that's just getting out of TC man stay in the word stay in prayer and get connected that is the key vital element and without it we start to lean on our own understanding yeah right so that's that's good I've got I got a question that I asked from time to time when we have guests and we talk to them and I've got you can't see it right now because of the framing but I've got a DeLorean back here it's a Lego DeLorean it's got my lights in it and it's it's my favorite but I love the DeLorean because Marty McFly right and Doc Brown could go back to the future right they could go back to any time period and on knowing what now Joel if you could hop into DeLorean that works and you could go back to that period in your life right where you're coming out of TC and you're getting ready to face everything that you faced over the last decade having the wisdom and the experience that Joel has now what would Joel now tell Joel from back then to prepare him stop looking for a woman and look at God hmm I think relationships is such a big part we don't realize when people say codependency they think it's people pleasing but codependency is relying on other things for affirmation or for or it can even be a sense of with no personal identity and I would say don't rush into a relationship we want it we haven't had one for a year or longer obviously Teen Challenge is 12 months but a lot of times it's even longer get out and I tell you don't look don't go hunting for a woman God has something planned for you and if you beast and if you are still and you recognize that he is God and you seek first the kingdom of God he will bring you the person you were to spend the rest of your life with that'll compliment you he might be preparing them or more than likely still preparing you so that you will be a good Steward with that person yeah that's that's really good yeah that's that's the single outside of your relationship with Christ that's going to be the single most important decision you made right who you're going to spend your life with and essentially don't jump into it yeah don't jump into it that's really that's good back to the flesh right yeah and listen I was quick to jump into it so I can say nothing man after three days listen I did too I married a girl that was we were both if you count the TC without Team if you count the TC without Teen Challenge I had only been outside for a year and she was fresh in recovery we're both new Believers were both on fire for the Lord but yet we had both done drugs and now we did we used our whole life from teenagers all the way up into her 30 years old so neither of us were prepared emotionally for what was to come the roller coasters don't give me don't get me wrong God got us through we went to hell and back but I would say do not there's a reason like when Paul says he goes you're gonna have worldly trouble I wish you would all remain like me as I am and single and don't get married but if you can't control your passions then you should get married and that was my problem I was just like well I'm not gonna have I don't want to have sex before I'm married so I want to honor God so yeah I've been dating you for two months let's get married it's it's just yeah and it incurs a lot of problems sometimes unless you can sit down and pray and say Lord is this the person for me not not with the Flesh and not in your mind and leaning on your own understanding but acknowledge God and just pray about it pray about everything yeah that's what I would say too pray about everything my wife threw a wet blanket on my passion I went chasing after a bible school graduate and she did that like I'm like hey you want to date she's like I don't know I gotta pray about I'm like what is this like why are we praying on this I'm like come on like you want me if I could speak to this really quick because you speaking to the the Joel that would step out of Teen Challenge and I'm grateful for where I'm at my marriage right but just I want to say maybe three months ago my wife and I actually had this discussion but what's so crazy is we stepped out of Teen Challenge and I talked to you about this Justin but we stepped out of Team this Justin but we stepped out of Teen Challenge not being able to really address any of the rooted issues because most of us many of us don't even really surrender to like four maybe even six months into Teen Challenge some people later and so you step out and you still have all these undoubt issues even though you've received Christ and then you step into a relationship so now you got to deal with not only your problems and your issues but theirs as well and so things will begin to surface and it causes some friction right and so I've had that even in my own marriage but I had to learn how to like deal with that process through that right but I guess how would you speak to somebody that's in a relationship now right they get out but they're like what I'm now discovering that I have some rooted issues how do they get plugged in but also share that Grace as you mentioned earlier towards their spouse and their Brokenness without making irrational decisions because I think that's something that's accustomed because we're so fleshlynatured in the sense that we want to pursue the opposite sex that we don't pray about it as you mentioned we don't think before we act and so on and so forth and so it causes some troubles but then we get ourselves into these situations and we're already married so we can't just say I want a divorce I got to deal with myself how do people walk through that now you already know I'm an advocate for celebrate recovery and I would say right get even if the partner wasn't in it wasn't in addiction I would say both go or go to counseling something to be you need to be proactive and not reactive what when you're doing this and don't just wait until it happens to say oh I got a problem try and find it before but if you're at the place where it's already there and you're having issues you got to get plugged in and you each have to have your own safe place to go and share and learn and grow it can't be most of the time it cannot be together you could do together in addition to but the individual has to be okay has to be worked on before they can we can work collectively as a couple what so we I have to figure the rude issue oh we're fighting we're arguing or you're always angry well you have to separate the two people and you have to find out what one is the issue is and what the other's issue is and then can you come together with it it's like a bicycle if you have one flat tire can you ride maybe a little bit if you have two flat tires you going anywhere no so each tire has to be pumped up individually so the bike can ride collectively come on that's good hey Marty I just wanted to say I'm already commented I saw your message Man and on one of us will definitely reach out after the live stream he just said that he this was on it's the first time ever watching the show and he's battling some stuff some anxiety and whatnot and needs somebody to chat with so one of us will definitely follow up with you my man and on and see how we can help thank you for being bold enough and being vulnerable enough to drop that in a comment feed on a live stream for three people you don't know that goes back to what Joel's been talking about the entire conversation of pushing past that stigma and just being willing to reach out and being hungry for that help and so on man I just wanted to acknowledge you on this live stream publicly but just also let that we will reach out to you privately so that we can be praying for you brother yeah well man as we wrap up we're coming up on an hour and I like to keep these things tight even though I spent 10 minutes trying to get the the technology right together man but and Joel thank you so much for jumping on man and sharing your story and being such an outspoken Advocate on for a program is vital a celebrate recovery and man just being being willing to continue to be passionate about helping others through and I know that I know the slogan the Hurts Habits and the Hang-Ups right and so I love that I read I did a series at Chapel I've talked through John Baker's life healing choices on the Beatitudes and that is that book just changed that wrecked my world that was such a powerful book on that teaching the eight series I thought that at CC Chapel when I was up there and such good stuff man do you have any parting words that you would want to just drop out there you've already left some pretty solid nuggets the last few minutes but do you have any parting words that you would want to say man yeah ah no matter God is in the business of restoring hopelessness he is in the business of resurrecting our life no matter where it is so seek first the kingdom of God and all will be given to you that's that right there is the biggest thing that I can say in the 10 years all I know is when I seek him doesn't matter what I'm going through I it's like if I'm walking through a tunnel of fire but I can have total peace with my life circumstance and only the power of God and the Holy Spirit can we accomplish that and remember life happens and it's gonna happen it's gonna be overwhelming but remember when you walk with the Lord you're never overpowered remember that yeah that's so good yeah amen Rob did you have anything you wanted to drop in now man I can't steal my boy's thunder man I'm just I'm so grateful to even still be in connection with him man I send out scriptures to him and a couple of the other guys from TC that I was close with and so dude it's an honor to have you on man I'd love to have you on again honor to be here anytime brother anytime yeah awesome well thanks everybody for jumping on and watching all the you guys who jumped in some of the newcomers and some of y'all that have been jumping on for a while we appreciate it and again as Robin and I've been chatting about this man the heart here is to provide resources for those that are trying to rebuild their lives and we're going to be talking about some more stuff in the future and in regards to some coaching and stuff that we want to offer to help people and really just again learning by faith and not have not experience I don't want to have to put my hand on the stone every time to know that it's hot I want to be able to make a suggestion that's it and I'm stubborn just like the rest of them man I like to burn myself but on one of these days I'll wise enough but hey I appreciate you guys I'm gonna I'm gonna hit the end broadcast now before I say something stupid so